Can Men and Women Be Just friends?

Spoiler alert: The answer is NO. Read on from Dr. Tejado W. Hanchell to find out why he believes there cannot be platonic relationships between men and women. This article is featured on (You can also read an article in the Scientific American that agrees with Dr. Hanchell’s assertion here-

Dr. Tejado W. Hanchell (TWH_PhD) who currently serves as the Senior Pastor of Mount Calvary Holy Church of Winston-Salem, NC (“The Church Committed to do MORE”) – the “Mother Church” of the Mount Calvary Holy Church of America, Inc., where Dr. Hanchell also serves as General Secretary and International Director of Youth & Young Adult Ministry under the leadership of Archbishop Alfred A. Owens, Jr.

photo via

Dr. Hanchell: Let me state at the outset: I do not believe in the male-female platonic relationship.

Much like Santa Claus, the Abominable Snowman and the Tooth Fairy, there is very little evidence to prove its existence. In fact, there is a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

I have seen countless “friendships” ruined once one “buddy” decided to get into a serious relationship.

This is not to say that EVERY male-female relationship turns out this way. However, I believe that there are very few — if any — truly platonic male-female relationships.

Before you jump down my throat and tell me how much of an idiot I am (which I encourage you to do in the comments section), let’s get an understanding of what the word platonic really means. Platonic traces its etymology to the doctrines of Greek philosopher, Plato. In regards to relationships, it means a relationship that is “purely spiritual” and/or “free from sensual desire.”

Now, this is where the proponents of the existence of the platonic relationship say, “Well, I’m not attracted to him/her IN THAT WAY.” The need to qualify the statement, disqualifies the argument.

Also, notice that the presence of physical attraction is not the only thing that nullifies the platonic relationship. In order for a relationship to be considered truly platonic, it must be “purely spiritual.” I don’t know about you, but there are very few, if any, relationships in my entire life that have been purely spiritual.

I know some who have used the guise of spirituality to get close to someone of the opposite sex. That’s how so many late night “prayer meetings” have turned into all night “touching and agreeing”!

Or, how many times have you talked to a married couple who says, “We were friends for years before we started dating”? Did the desire to be “more than friends” develop on their first date? Or, more likely, did they begin to have feelings beyond friendship while one or both of them were still putting up the charade that we’re “just friends”?

As someone who, as a single man, always felt more comfortable having a lot of female “friends,” let me speak from my own personal experience.

I hung out with females all the time. We went to the movies, dinner, etc., and it never went beyond that with many of them. However, we often tend to define platonic relationships based upon actions, when they are really defined by feelings.

I may not have DONE anything with them, but that did not mean I did not FEEL anything for them.

On the other hand, I have no way of knowing how these women felt about me.

This, I believe, is the defining element in my argument against the existence of the male-female platonic relationship — you NEVER know how someone else truly feels. What you may consider a “friendship” may be the first step to courtship for the other person — you NEVER know.

Even if you ask, studies have shown that people will lie about their true feelings so as not to jeopardize the friendship (and any hope of it becoming more).

I’m not saying all of this to encourage you to cut all ties with all of your friends of the opposite sex. What I am saying is that we all need to carefully analyze the nature of our relationships, and be honest — especially with ourselves.

Most people who say they are PLATONIC … are really just PLAYING. Now, the male-female platonic relationship may actually exist, but just like with UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster … very few have seen it and lived to tell the tale.

Read this article in its entirety at

Read an article that also agrees aith Dr. Hanchell’s assertion here –

9 comentarii (+add yours?)

  1. The Master's Slave
    mart. 05, 2013 @ 11:18:57

    Totally agree. God made men and women differently and we are attracted to each other. That is God’s way because He commanded us to replenish the earth. His mandate for men and women were to have children. I have always said when seeing a group of boys with one girl or a group of girls with one boy, etc., walking together, having fun together that there is something wrong. It’s not natural. Someone has ulterior motives.

  2. The Master's Slave
    mart. 05, 2013 @ 11:19:16

    Reblogged this on The Master's Slave.

  3. cornelilioi
    mart. 05, 2013 @ 11:39:29

    Can Men and Women Be Just friends? Can Gasoline and Fire be just friends?

    When gasoline and fire together causes explosion, I am pretty sure Men and Women together causes „explosion”….

  4. Delight in Truth
    mart. 05, 2013 @ 20:00:12

    Was it Washer (or Piper?) who said that he will not be in a room alone with another woman other than his wife? He had this exact subject in mind, I believe.

    • rodi
      mart. 05, 2013 @ 20:35:48

      I think I heard both say that, but, the one that sticks in my mind is Billy Graham, because he was the first one that I heard to make the statement that he will never be alone with a woman in a room, or car, or any closed space.

      I also remember James MacDonald give a message on this topic. He said he likes to give it every year, in which he exhorted men (and not only the ones in leadership, but especially them) to do the same thing. He even went further and said that he has learned from experience not to give compliments to women (i.e. on their new hair cut, or nice dress) because if a woman is not getting emotional affection from her partner, than the attention from another man can hurt that relationship. I think it was/is very good advice.

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