Darrin Patrick – Marriage: Loving Your Wife and Your Mission

darrin patrickDarrin Patrick talks about marriage, from what he calls the clearest message on marriage in the Bible: Ephesians 5:18-33.

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Instructions for Christian Households

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wivesas their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands are accountable as the heads. Yet, they must love, just like Jesus loved the church.

What does it mean to ‘Act like Jesus?’

  • forgive first
  • sacrifice most
  • serve, instead of wanting to be served
  • take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault

Husbands take responsibility for their wives spiritual health:

  • Protection. You are her protector and if you don’t protect her, she will have no choice but to protect herself. And self protection is a form of pride.
  • Cultivation. You look at her future glory, how she’s going to be for Jesus. And while you meditate on that, you will have motivation to help her with her practical struggles. One day, she will be perfectly and utterly confident before God. She will know why she is made. Picture that, and let it motivate you to help her with the hard spots in her life, and the hard truths that she is having difficulty with. If you’re doing this, how do you know? Because your wife is loving Jesus more because of you. The tragedy is that most wives have to grow, not because of their husbands, but, in spite of their husbands. 
  • Nourish/Cherish – to feed, to train, to teach. But, you also cherish her (verses 28-29). The word cherish means- you’re creating an environment. The idea is it’s ‘warmth’. The idea is: Husbands, teach your wife Scripture, have spiritual conversations where you help her understand who God is, who she is, what her mission is in the world. You do all that, in an environment that you have created, of safety and warmth.”Nourish and cherish”.

couple hold hands

 

This is what it means to take spiritual responsibility of your wife. And, here’s the thing. If you don’t cherish her this way, she will find her own cherishing. Listen, your wife was made to be cherished. She cannot, not want that. And maybe. some hyper fenimism has tried to beat it out of her. Maybe her mom said, „Don’t ever trust a man.” Maybe this book said: Don’t ever give yourself fully. It doesn’t matter what she does. That’s who she is, and that’s what she wants: To be cherished. And you are God’s ordained man to do that. If you don’t, she will find ways to cherish herself. So, she’ll eat and look for comfort. Or find someone else to cherish her. They’re gonna talk to their moms, all the time, because they’re lonely. And some of your have great mothers in law so I am not criticizing that. Some will hide in their career, or the gym. Men, she’s made to be cherished, and you are her chief cherisher. We say this many times: You don’t love your wife to make her lovely, you love her to make her lovely. She’s lovely, but you’re gonna make her more lovely, as you love her. But, that requires confrontation.

  • Confrontation – Ever had an infection in your body? It’s painful, it’s awkward. Husbands and wives confront each other. They clean out their wounds. They scrape out the infection.And husbands, you take the lead in this cleaning. If you don’t take the lead, she’s not going to feels safe to clean your wounds. If you’re not in constant scraping, in constant prayer, constant loving confrontation, your marriage is sub christian. 

Biblical Headship

~~Husbands lead by making more of the Gospel, than of their marriage. (verse 29). You can get the Gospel without marriage. But, I don’t know that you can get the marriage without the Gospel. I know there are people who have decent marriages, that are not believers, but the more you understand the Gospel, the more you will lovingly lead. The purpose of marriage is to reenact what Jesus has done, and is doing. That’s the purpose of marriage. It’s reenacting the Gospel.

The Gospel is the focus, But, it’s also a pattern. Husbands, as you lead, you are putting on display the kind of leadership that Christ exercises over His church. Wives, as you submit to your husbands’ leadership, you are putting on display the type of surrendered trust that Christ wants in response to His love for the church.

So people ought to be able to look at our marriages and say, „Look, there’s the Gospel.” And so, as you get closer together, what happens in Gospel reenactment? You are confronted with your sin and you are confronted with the acceptance of your own righteousness, apart from your work. So what happens in your marriage? Same thing. Nobody knows your sins more than your spouse. You hid them from your room mates, your parents, but, there’s dirt underneath your dirt, that only your spouse sees. They know when you’re lying. They know everything.

And what happens is, if you are able to see your sin against God, the way God sees it- this is what put Jesus on the cross, this deserves the wrath of God, this is what separates me from God… If that is there, before you, if the Gospel is ever before you, you’ll be able to forgive your husband. If you believe that „I’m accepted for what Jesus has done. It’s not about my history, it’s not about how good my sermon is. I’m loved because I’m loved. I’m a son before I am a soldier. If that is real to you, you’re not gonna demand that your wife compliment you 15 times in the car. You have to make much of the Gospel. Marriage brings you into conflict. Not just with your spouse, or yourself, but, with God. Are you going to be under control of the Spirit? Or, are you going to repeat the patterns of previous generations and the way men dealt with their wives?

Published on Nov 14, 2012 thejourneystl 

From the November 2012 A29 bootcamp at The Journey, in St. Louis, Mo.

Consequences of sin – Joseph’s story

God forgives sin.  Besides the danger of becoming enslaved to our sin (Romans 6:16) and finding ourselves  separated from God (Isaiah 59:2), there are also some personal and physical consequences that we will suffer for our sinful actions even though God has forgiven our sin.

You can read the Bible’s story of Joseph in the book of Genesis in chapters 37-50.

Some of the consequences of the sin Joseph’s brothers committed when they sold him into slavery:

  • Their sin was constantly before them-the brother they were so jealous of and wanted to forget about was in their mind daily as their father Jacob’s unceasing grief did not abate. They also feared, lest anything should happen to the youngest son Benjamin, whom Jacob now loved and favored.
  • Uncertainty- They always wondered whether God was punishing them for what they had done to Joseph.
  • Physical hardship- They had to make the approx 250 mile trek to Egypt on foot  (that Joseph made as a slave) 6 times  (3 trips) with little provisions.  See Map 2)

Joseph was the 11th son born to Jacob (also called Israel) and Rachel(who died in childbirth when Benjamin, the 12th, and youngest son was born.Gen 37:2 states that Joseph brings a bad report to his father about his brothers, then we read how Jacob favors Joseph by making him a coat of many colors, and thirdly Joseph has special dreams (Genesis 39:5-11). All 3 factors lead to conflict in the family and the unbridled jealousy of his brothers leads to plans for murder.

„The final episode (Genesis 37:31-35) shows the desperate brothers concocting yet another scheme  to be rid of Joseph. Their plan to dispose of Joseph ended in a fiasco, now their plan to erase his memory from the family, by faking his death, fails miserably. In a powerfully ironic twist, although Jacob is deceived by the sight of Joseph’s special coat stained with goat’s blood, his unceasing grieving means that the brothers can never forget Joseph and his exalted position in the family”. (Biblica P. 125)

Although the brothers planned to kill Joseph, in the end, due to the influence of his older brothers Reuben and Judah, they decide instead to sell him to passing Ishmaelite/Midianite traders.

If being sold into slavery by your own brothers isn’t bad enough, look at the long road Joseph had to walk on foot in order to get to Egypt. (I have seen the distance between Dothan, Israel and Heliopolis or Cairo Egypt to be estimated at about 240 to 280 miles depending on the old (spice) routes taken by caravans back then.

So, imagine being threatened by death from the hands of your own brothers, then being sold into slavery and then walking on foot through desert land, more than 250 miles to Egypt, and all this at the tender age of 17.

Map scanned from Biblica – The Bible Atlas. For a more detailed report on Joseph’s life click here.

And it doesn’t end there. Joseph is purchased by a wealthy man called Potiphar who was captain of the guards for Pharaoh. There Joseph prospered and found favor with Potiphar until Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him continuously. Joseph refused  the temptation on the grounds that it would be a sin against God. Potiphar’s wife framed Joseph with her household and Joseph was imprisoned. He spent 2 years in prison for a crime he did not commit. Even in prison Joseph found favor with the warden and he interpreted Pharaoh’s baker and cupbearer’s dreams accurately. When the Pharaoh had a troubling dream, the cup bearer remembered Joseph’s correct interpretation of his dream and recommended Joseph to Pharaoh.  Joseph prophetically interpreted Pharaoh’s dream from God and 13 years after Joseph was sold into captivity by his brothers(and at the age of 30), Pharaoh makes Joseph Prime Minister, gives him his signet ring which made him second in command after Pharaoh and Joseph starts to gather the harvests in storehouses for 7 years as he prepares for the 7 lean years of famine to come (from Pharaoh’s dream).

Joseph then married Pharaoh’s priest’s daughter Asenath and had 2 sons-Manasseh and Ephraim. During the famine Joseph becomes the savior of the world with his surplus of stored grain. The famine reaches his father Jacob in Canaan, and Jacob is forced to send his sons to Egypt to buy food.

The brothers have 3 encounters with Joseph (read Genesis 42-45) before Joseph reveals to his brothers his true identity(Genesis 45:1-3).

The troubled and divided family is finally reunited in Egypt (Goshen in the northeastern Nile delta). With the family of Jacob/Israel safely in Egypt, the stage is set for the story of Israel in the book of Exodus.

Joseph’s brothers made 3 (round) trips, traveling the approx. 250 miles trek that Joseph was forced to take when they sold him into slavery. (Map scanned from Biblica – The Bible Atlas)

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