How far is too far, to go, for an engaged couple?

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listen to the Podcast via (length 11 minutes)

I would say to the women, don’t entice a man to touch you thinking that this is the way to keep a man. He is not worth keeping if that is the way he is kept. And feel free to say to any man, “No, please don’t take us there.” And you can discern what kind of a man you are dealing with by how sensitive he is to that dimension of purity.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, they will see God” [Matthew 5:8]. That is what we want. We want to see God. . . . If a single person is listening to this saying, “Oh, all very nice. I’m not married, and there is nobody on the horizon. What am I supposed to do?” I just want to say one thing. Don’t feel second class. Jesus Christ is the most complete human being whoever lived and he never had sex. Not to be married and not to have sex is not to be an incomplete human being.

CLICK here to listen to the 11 minute mp3

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The Ask Pastor John daily podcast is a series of 3–8 minute conversations released on weekdays at 11am (EST) via the DG Facebook and Twitter feeds. You can tune in to the new episodes through the new Ask Pastor John iPhone app, which can be donwloaded for free here. We’re currently hosting all the recordings onSoundCloud, a website that makes it easy to listen to several of the podcasts in one sitting. They’re also archived on the DG website and syndicated in iTunes.

What guys think about modesty

Matthew 5:27-28

Adultery in the Heart

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

C J Mahaney (via) Gabi Bogdan

An honest assessment from guys:

  • The temptation towards lust does not stop. It is continual, it is aggressive, it does all it can to lead men down to death.
  • The way an immodest girl presents herself to the world is bait for my sinful mind
  • there’s not  a man I know that doesn’t struggle with lust
  • it is disappointing to walk into a church or church event and face the same temptations I face in the world
  • to the girls who don’t follow the pattern of the world – Thank You! You are following Scriptures command and helping your brothers in the process.
  • Let us be a church where men are committed to purity and women are committed to modesty

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What guys think about modesty, posted with vodpod

Randy Alcorn – The Purity Principle (Esssential Reading)

This is a very helpful article with the Biblical perspective on sexual purity from Randy Alcorn. You will find all his links at the bottom of this page.

Chapter 5 and 6 from the Purity Principle

Posted in: Excerpts from Randy’s Books, Sexual Purity Articles
By Randy Alcorn

The Purity Principle is this: Purity is always smart; impurity is always stupid.

Does God really argue for sexual purity on the basis that it’s the smart choice, while impurity is stupid? Judge for yourself:

Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife? For a man’s ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly. (Proverbs 5:20-23)

Why avoid adultery? Because God will see it and He will bring judgment. But even before judgment day „the cords of his sin hold him fast.” The adulterer will be ensnared; he will die. He’s the primary victim of his foolishness. In contrast, the man who remains pure can „rejoice” and „be captivated” by his wife’s love, enjoying their sexual union (Proverbs 5:18-19).

In the next chapter God asks, „Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Proverbs 6:27-29)

Haunting words: no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Proverbs also depicts the man who is seduced into adultery as „an ox going to the slaughter,” and like a deer or bird being killed by a hunter (Proverbs 7:21-27).

A believer recovering from sexual addiction (which requires repentance from sexual sin) told me, „Addicts always think they can get away with it. You won’t change until you realize you can’t.”

I can never get away with sexual immorality. God wants me to remember that…for my sake.

Mai mult

Family Series 15 – A Passion For Purity vs. Passive Prayers by John Piper (2)

John Piper from

Matthew 5:28-29

I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matthew 5:28-29)

When you are enticed sexually, do you fight with your mind to say no to the image and then mightily labor to fill your mind with counter-images that kill off the seductive image? „If you put to death the deeds of the body by the Spirit, you will live” (Romans 8:13). Too many people think they have struggled with temptation when they have prayed for deliverance, and hoped the desire would go away. That is too passive. Yes, God works in us to will and to do his good pleasure! But the effect is that we „work out our salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12-13). Gouging out your eye may be a metaphor, but it means something very violent. The brain is a „muscle” to be flexed for purity, and in the Christian it is supercharged with the Spirit of Christ.

What this means is that we must not give a sexual image or impulse more than five seconds before we mount a violent counterattack with the mind. I mean that! Five seconds. In the first two seconds we shout, „NO! Get out of my head!” In the next two seconds we cry out: „O God, in the name of Jesus, help me. Save me now. I am yours.”

Good beginning. But then the real battle begins. This is a mind war. The absolute necessity is to get the image and the impulse out of our mind. How? Get a counter-image into the mind. Fight. Push. Strike. Don’t ease up. It must be an image that is so powerful that the other image cannot survive. There are lust-destroying images and thoughts.

For example, have you ever in the first five seconds of temptation, demanded of your mind that it look steadfastly at the crucified form of Jesus Christ? Picture this. You have just seen a peek-a-boo blouse inviting further fantasy. You have five seconds. „No! Get out of my mind! God help me!” Now, immediately, demand of your mind – you can do this by the Spirit (Romans 8:13). Demand of your mind to fix its gaze on Christ on the cross. Use all your fantasizing power to see his lacerated back. Thirty-nine lashes left little flesh intact. He heaves with his breath up and down against the rough vertical beam of the cross. Each breath puts splinters into the lacerations. The Lord gasps. From time to time he screams out with intolerable pain. He tries to pull away from the wood and the massive spokes through his wrist rip into the nerve endings and he screams again with agony and pushes up with his feet to give some relief to his wrists. But the bones and nerves in his pierced feet crush against each other with anguish and he screams again. There is no relief. His throat is raw from screaming and thirst. He loses his breath and thinks he is suffocating, and suddenly his body involuntarily gasps for air and all the injuries unite in pain. In torment, he forgets about the crown of two-inch thorns and throws his head back in desperation, only to hit one of the thorns perpendicular against the cross beam and drive it half an inch into his skull. His voice reaches a soprano pitch of pain and sobs break over his pain-wracked body as every cry brings more and more pain.

Now, I am not thinking about the blouse any more. I am at Calvary. These two images are not compatible. If you will use the muscle of your brain to pursue – violently pursue with the muscle of your mind – images of Christ crucified with the same creative energy that you use to pursue sexual fantasies, you will kill them. But it must start in the first five seconds – and not give up.

So my question is: Do you fight, rather than only praying and waiting and trying to avoid? It is image against image. It is ruthless, vicious mental warfare, not just prayer and waiting. Join me in this bloody warfare to keep my mind and body pure for my Lord and my wife and my church. Jesus suffered beyond imagination to „purify for Himself a people for His own possession” (Titus 2:14). Every scream and spasm was to kill my lust – „He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness” (1 Peter 2:24).

Pursuing purity of heart at any cost,

Pastor John

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website:

Family Series 9 – John Piper 2004 Conference (Marriage Resources)

2004 National Conference

Sex and the Supremacy of Christ | September 24 – 26 in Minneapolis, MN

2004 National Conference

DG Articles

Sex and Marriage

Sex and the Single

Sex and Sin

Articles by Conference Speakers

Al Mohler

C.J. Mahaney

Ben Patterson

David Powlison

Other Articles

Directions Against Sinful Desires and Discontent (by Richard Baxter)

Christian Liberty And Sexual Freedom (by John MacArthur)

A Biblical View of Sex (by Daniel B. Wallace)

Cultivating the Vineyard: Solomon’s Counsel for Lovers (by George Schwab)

The Journal of Biblical Counseling, Vol. 13, No. 3, 1995 (no longer in print but reprints of the articles are available through JBC office). Article titles include:

  • Getting Serious About Lust in an Age of Smirks
  • Pornography, Masturbation, and Other Private Misuses: A Perversion of Intimacy
  • Slaying the Dragon Interview  (by David Powlison)
  • When the Problem is Sexual Sin: A Counseling Model
  • Homosexuality: Current Thinking and Biblical Guidelines
  • „I was a Transsexual Male…”: A Testimony to the Grace of God
  • The Way of the Wise: Teaching our Teenagers About Sex
  • The Tenderness Trap
  • How Can Accountability Relationships Be Used to Encourage a Person in Biblical  Change?


Sexual Sin (by Jeffrey S. Black)

Teens and Sex (by Paul David Tripp)

Pre-Engagement (by David Powlison & John Yenchko)

Pornography (by David Powlison)

Marriage (by Paul David Tripp)


Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know (With a word to wives from Carolyn Mahaney), by C.J. Mahaney
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred (Foreword by Joshua Harris), by Carolyn McCulley
Feminine Appeal (Foreword by Nancy Leigh DeMoss; New Expanded Edition with Questions), by Carolyn Mahaney
The Message of the Song of Songs, by Tom Gledhill
The Song of Solomon, by G. Lloyd Carr
Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is), by Joshua Harris

Helpful Ministries

Setting Captives Free

Stone Gate Resources

Desiring God is…

Desiring God is a teaching ministry of John Piper supplying the body of Christ with over 30 years of books, sermons, articles and more to help you find joy in God. More…

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website:

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