Crystal Renaud – Women and sex addiction – a story of grace

Crystal, who was exposed to pornography at the age of 10.: It’s interesting how a magazine one day, can take you places you never wanted to go.

Click here for the podcast:

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Episode #26 of the Undone Redone podcast features an interview with author and speaker Crystal Renaud who shares her 8 year battle with pornography and sex addiction and the unique shame that women who struggle in this area experience. Crystal is the Founder and Director of Whole Women’s Ministries and the author of Dirty Girls Come Clean, her story of dealing with and overcoming sex addiction as a female. Crystal launched Dirty Girls Ministries in 2009 out of her own journey of becoming whole after an 8-year battle with pornography and sexual addiction.

Crystal’s ministry is hosting an online conference for women called Whole Women’s Conference being held September 7th for North America and September 14th for the International conference. To register, go to  For more information –
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You Forget About God, Family When Addicted to Porn

Please don’t miss the second post, below this one, titled: How Do You Counsel A Husband Who Has Revealed a Struggle with Pornography to His Wife? (Advice for pastors on an increasingly relevant topic)

via (photo via Facebook)

Pornography is an unspoken word in most congregations, but this powerful addiction is permeating Christian households, and is destroying marriages and parent-child relationships.

To combat the addiction to pornography, Pastor Jay Dennis of First Baptist Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Fla., created his own program, „One Million Men Porn Free,” because he wasn’t able to find resource materials that he could use to defeat the devastating effects the lure of pornography had on members of his church.

„I led our church initially through this program in March and April of 2010,” said Dennis, who leads a congregation of 9,000 members. „I met with our men for six Wednesday evening sessions, with the last session being the commitment rally. I also met with our women for one session and our parents for one session. The women’s session was called ‘What Men Wish Their Wives Knew About Pornography.’ The parents’ session was titled ‘Protecting Your Child From Sexual Brokenness.'”

Dennis hopes the „Join 1 Million Men” program will ultimately strengthen churches by helping pastors get the subject of pornography out in the open so they can work on rebuilding families and marriages.

„If the pastor is not addressing the issue, either he doesn’t feel it’s enough of a problem, or it’s too shameful to discuss in church,” said Dennis, who cites the biblical scriptures of Job 31:1, Psalm 119:37 and I Timothy 5:2 to illustrate the ways in which men should view and respect women.

Every pastor already faces this. Unfortunately, I fear the problem will only become more common in the future; that is marriage counseling as a result of a husband’s struggle with pornogrpahy. The work to restore trust and intimacy within a marriage deeply affected by this sinful struggle is only possible through the gospel and applied most effectively within the local church; having said that, consider six practical ways that husband can reestablish trust and intimacy with his hurting wife:

1) Be patient towards your hurting wife.Men are known to deal with something, then move on. A wife, especially one sinned against by pornography will not move on so quickly.

2) Understand the seriousness of your sin against her. Sexual sin hurts a wife more deeply than most other sins against her. A husband needs to realize that the reasons this sin stings so much is that it seems to confirm almost every doubt and insecurity most women already battle within themselves. Understanding the seriousness of this sin and the pain it causes will help cultivate patience and prevent a reoccurrence of it.

3) Look to your wife to play an important role of accountability. It is easy to seek the accountability of another man when it comes to this struggle because, we say, “only another man knows what the battle is like.” Yet, you do not have to sleep next to that man every night. You do not have to look into his eyes knowing the hurt you caused. You do not have to be as patient and gracious with your buddy through this like you must with your wife. It may need to be in the context of regular counseling for a while, but convince him his wife will be a great asset to establish his new patterns and protection from falling again.

4) Consistently and creatively romance your wife. A husband should have already been pursuing his wife romantically as a regular practice. Now, he must understand this pattern must be established to restore his marriage.

5) Affirm your physical attraction to her. It should surprise no man that when he looks at other women in lustful ways, it will communicate a sharp message to his wife that he does not find her attractive. Most men would confess that is not what drove them to pornography, but it is inescapable that this is how a wife feels because of it. Encourage the man verbally to affirm his physical attraction to his wife. Then, he must back it up with his actions.

6) Realize the battle never ends this side of eternity. The gospel is powerful to free men from this bondage and to establish new patterns in their lives, but the fences of accountability must always remain.

Traylor & Melody – Betrayal, Divorce and then Reconciliation

I read the story of Melody & Traylor some years back, and when I started up this blog I tried to find it again in order to post it, but could not remember their names. Tonight, I came across the website again and I am providing the link to it. Traylor was a preacher who became addicted to pornography, and slowly it escalated to secret rendezvous  with women he met on the internet, which sometimes took him across state lines. But, it is no ordinary story, because after divorcing when Melody found out, he started feeling God’s conviction, which eventually led Traylor & Melody back together again, remarried and helping other couples deal with addictions through their ministry.

Please share this story with someone in your life who is struggling with pornogroaphy, and sex addiction, and especially share it with the spouse of the person with the problem, and let them know there is hope for their marriage. Here’s the snippet from the blog, and I recommend watching the 3 videos posted to the page in the link- 

Melody and I were married for 11 years before my struggle with pornography and sexual addiction ripped our family apart. This tragic upheaval left both of us reeling and disrupted our status quo, to say the least. The appearance of the “perfect” life that we both worked so hard to maintain came crashing down all around us.
After 6 years of divorce, we were remarried.

Watch (or listen to) their testimony here- 

New Book: When your husband is addicted to pornography + 2 more

There’s a new book that has just been published, and I must say it is much needed. There are now many books on the market for those that are struggling with pornography and sex addiction, however, this is the first that I have seen that deals with the other victim of pornography- the spouse. Many women live through the darkness and fog of dealing with their husband’s addiction to pornography and suffer in silence and shame. This book looks like it is very helpful in helping women understand their role, find healing, and regain their trust in God and life in general. Having had the opportunity to speak to many  female readers of this blog who find themselves in this very situation, I am thankful that Vicki Tiede was gracious enough to share her story and pain, in order to help so many other women out there that don’t know where to turn. Below this book, there are also 2 other books geared towards men and women who are personally struggling with pornography.



Description: After the Shock Moving from Despair to Healing and Hope

When your husband’s addiction to pornography leaves you shattered, betrayed, and alone, where do you turn? Who do you turn to? Vicki Tiede, writing from personal experience, gently guides women toward God and away from despair. Through daily readings and questions on six important topics: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness, you will grow in healing and hope. Allowing God to meet your greatest needs is a long and learned process, but he promises to help you every step of the way. Questions and daily readings are suitable for both individuals and small groups.

„Vicki Tiede has done an extraordinary job of describing one of the „hidden sins” in our churches and culture that destroys marriages and causes deep anguish. She shares the stories of twenty-five women who have known this pain; and she gives poignant, biblical advice on a workable plan of action. Vicki¿s willingness to tell her own story makes this book shine with warmth, depth, and renewed hope. If you are struggling with the problem personally or if you counsel people who do, read this book!”
–Carol Kent, Speaker; author of Between a Rock and a Grace Place

„There is no doubt that pornography has created a tsunami of personal and relational pain. While culture might suggest that it is normal, the trauma that it creates in marriages suggests that it is not healthy. Vicki brings her extensive experience in Bible teaching to provide hope and healing for spouses who have been betrayed by pornography addiction.  Her use of Scripture gently reminds spouses to lean into God¿s truths: He will provide, protect, and walk along all those who are hurting; you are not alone.”
–Debbie Laaser, LAMFT; author of Shattered Vows

„Vicki Tiede’s book provides hope, help, and a pathway to healing for women marred by their husband’s addiction to pornography. Based on biblical principles, this resource can aid the reader to become a victor rather than a victim.”
–Josh McDowell, Speaker; best-selling author

„A porn plague is raging in homes across the world today, and for every addicted husband there is a brokenhearted wife. While there is an abundance of powerful, biblical resources to help men overcome addiction, their wives have largely been overlooked. I am grateful that Vicki Tiede has filled that void. In a book that is sensitive, biblical, and conversational, she comes alongside hurting women as a friend and guides them to the hope and peace only the gospel can give.”
–Tim Challies, Author; pastor; blogger

About the Author
Vicki Tiede, MEd, MMin, is a Bible teacher; conference speaker; author of Plug Me In and Let Me Charge Overnight (2009); and a contributing author for five other books. Her passion is to share God’s grace and faithfulness with women through the Scriptures. Vicki transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God. Living in Rochester, Minnesota, Vicki is also a wife, homeschooling mom, and women’s ministries coordinator at her local church.

You can order the book here- $16.99 On Sale for a short/limited time for $10.



Binding: Booklet  Page Count: 32 $3.99
Description: If you’re struggling with a sexual addiction of any sort, you understand that feeling of being trapped, out of control, and afraid of being found out. No matter what you try, it seems impossible to break free from the lure of illicit sexual thoughts and practices.

Author David Powlison encourages those who want to overcome their compulsive sexual behavior to remember that lasting change comes in degrees and is often a slow progressive process. Addiction sufferers will discover powerful action steps to take and introspective heart questions to ask as they seek to conquer this harmful sin issue. Even though sexual temptation is everywhere, God’s power and resource is closer still because the Holy Spirit resides within us to meet our every need.

About the Author
David Powlison, M.Div., Ph.D., is a faculty member and counselor at CCEF with over thirty years of experience. He has written numerous articles on counseling, many booklets, including Facing Death with Hope, Healing after Abortion,Recovering from Child Abuse, and Renewing Marital Intimacy, and several books, including Seeing with New Eyes, Speaking Truth in Love, and The Biblical Counseling Movement: History and Context.

You can buy it here for $3.99 –


Binding: Booklet  Page Count: 20
Description: “Private sexual fantasy can preoccupy vast areas of a person’s mental life,” notes David Powlison. “As explicit sexual images proliferate in films and magazines, on television, and over the Internet, the temptations increase and the bondage seems unbreakable. Even Christians can find that their lives have become a push-pull struggle between indulging in fantasy and resisting it.”

Is it really possible to slay the dragon of pornography and fantasy once it has gained control of your life?” asks Powlison. The answer is yes, as you will see from this interview with a man called Bob, who experienced Christ’s deliverance in this part of his life.

You can buy the booklet here for $2.99 –

How does a wife feel when a husband looks at porn?

For Family Resources PAGE click here

The Christian Post features 4 wives who tell their story (in short form):

  1. April thought the problem was because of her. Maybe if she was skinnier, or taller, or blonder…
  2. CIndy, upon walking in on her husband viewing porn:  „Immediately my heart sank, and I remember this sick feeling wash over me. The thought that began to plague my mind instantly was, “How will I ever be able to compete with her?”
  3. Laura, upon browsing her husband’s computer history: I clenched my jaw and set my heart in disgust towards my husband: my heart was filled with bitterness toward this man who wasted our time, energy, and resources on lust while I worked so hard to take care of our family.
  4. Nicole, upon discovering her fiancee’s porn addiction 3 days before their wedding: „…I continued to discover porn on our computer. A well of fear and desperation led me to confront Jon about these activities. At first he denied them. He had explanations for everything I found, and I wanted to believe everything he told me. Yet, something didn’t quite add up, and I would push him until he acknowledged that he had in fact visited the porn sites. This led to seeds of distrust from the very beginning of our marriage—not only my distrust of him, but of myself and my instincts”

You can read their complete stories here-

Download the free e-book: Hope After Porn: 4 women share their stories of heartbreak…and how their marriages were saved. In this book April, Cindy, Laura, and Nicole give readers a glimpse of the betrayal and the hurt they felt discovering their husbands’ pornography problem. They also share the choices they made to try and make a difference in their marriages and families.


A great christian website for wives and husbands –  Covenant Eyes

Related articles

Perry Stone – How addictions damage the brain (Part 2 of an ongoing series- from a Christian perspective)

In Part 1  Perry Stone with guest Sharon Maloney discuss addiction. Many Christians do not even know they have an addiction, they are in denial and they think they can help break it themselves. Sharon shows what addictions with drugs or even pornography does to the brain. She gives some life size examples through brain scan pictures, including a brain scan of a brain  of a person who consumes alcohol on a steady basis. Click here to watch PART 1.

In Part 2  below – Addictions cause damage to the brain. Not just drugs, but prescription drugs, marajuana (some people use it medically), and pornography. Sharon describes how addiction to pornography happens. When you look at the images, they get imprinted on the brain and they could surface by the brains retrieval of the pictures instantaneously. It gets encoded on the brain on the emotional memory center of the brain because the pleasure pathway lights up and dopamine is dumped in tot he system. Not only is it encoded on the brain but people get back to that to get the same feeling they would get from drugs. When someone looks at pornography, the brain makes them believe they are really in the sex act. Sharon shows more brain scans.

VIDEOS on TBN here – Addictions

VIDEOS on TBN Manna Fest with Perry Stone here – 120 episodes private now

America is addicted to pornography; produces 89% of its webpages

Guard your heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). Don’t let the demonic realm influence your thought-life (Ephesians 6:12-20). If you give yourself to sinful fantasies and pursuits, you will become their slave (Romans 6:16).


  • 25 % of internet searches performed daily, which comes to 68 million searches ARE performed daily.
  • The USA produces 89% of the pornographic webpages.
  • 42.7 % of internet users view porn (that’s over 102 million people)
  • More than 50 of those engaged in sexual internet interactions have lost interest in sexual intercourse.
  • Pornography use increases marital infidelity (adultery) by 300%
  • 56% of divorce cases involved one per on having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites

– 40 % of „sex addicts” lose their spouses

– 58 % suffer considerable financial losses

– One-third lose their jobs

Saddest statistic of all – The average age of initial pornography exposure: 11

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