Can Men and Women Be Just friends?

Spoiler alert: The answer is NO. Read on from Dr. Tejado W. Hanchell to find out why he believes there cannot be platonic relationships between men and women. This article is featured on Churchleaders.com (You can also read an article in the Scientific American that agrees with Dr. Hanchell’s assertion here- http://www.scientificamerican.com/article).

Dr. Tejado W. Hanchell (TWH_PhD) who currently serves as the Senior Pastor of Mount Calvary Holy Church of Winston-Salem, NC (“The Church Committed to do MORE”) – the “Mother Church” of the Mount Calvary Holy Church of America, Inc., where Dr. Hanchell also serves as General Secretary and International Director of Youth & Young Adult Ministry under the leadership of Archbishop Alfred A. Owens, Jr.

photo via www.brucesallan.com

Dr. Hanchell: Let me state at the outset: I do not believe in the male-female platonic relationship.

Much like Santa Claus, the Abominable Snowman and the Tooth Fairy, there is very little evidence to prove its existence. In fact, there is a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

I have seen countless “friendships” ruined once one “buddy” decided to get into a serious relationship.

This is not to say that EVERY male-female relationship turns out this way. However, I believe that there are very few — if any — truly platonic male-female relationships.

Before you jump down my throat and tell me how much of an idiot I am (which I encourage you to do in the comments section), let’s get an understanding of what the word platonic really means. Platonic traces its etymology to the doctrines of Greek philosopher, Plato. In regards to relationships, it means a relationship that is “purely spiritual” and/or “free from sensual desire.”

Now, this is where the proponents of the existence of the platonic relationship say, “Well, I’m not attracted to him/her IN THAT WAY.” The need to qualify the statement, disqualifies the argument.

Also, notice that the presence of physical attraction is not the only thing that nullifies the platonic relationship. In order for a relationship to be considered truly platonic, it must be “purely spiritual.” I don’t know about you, but there are very few, if any, relationships in my entire life that have been purely spiritual.

I know some who have used the guise of spirituality to get close to someone of the opposite sex. That’s how so many late night “prayer meetings” have turned into all night “touching and agreeing”!

Or, how many times have you talked to a married couple who says, “We were friends for years before we started dating”? Did the desire to be “more than friends” develop on their first date? Or, more likely, did they begin to have feelings beyond friendship while one or both of them were still putting up the charade that we’re “just friends”?

As someone who, as a single man, always felt more comfortable having a lot of female “friends,” let me speak from my own personal experience.

I hung out with females all the time. We went to the movies, dinner, etc., and it never went beyond that with many of them. However, we often tend to define platonic relationships based upon actions, when they are really defined by feelings.

I may not have DONE anything with them, but that did not mean I did not FEEL anything for them.

On the other hand, I have no way of knowing how these women felt about me.

This, I believe, is the defining element in my argument against the existence of the male-female platonic relationship — you NEVER know how someone else truly feels. What you may consider a “friendship” may be the first step to courtship for the other person — you NEVER know.

Even if you ask, studies have shown that people will lie about their true feelings so as not to jeopardize the friendship (and any hope of it becoming more).

I’m not saying all of this to encourage you to cut all ties with all of your friends of the opposite sex. What I am saying is that we all need to carefully analyze the nature of our relationships, and be honest — especially with ourselves.

Most people who say they are PLATONIC … are really just PLAYING. Now, the male-female platonic relationship may actually exist, but just like with UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster … very few have seen it and lived to tell the tale.

Read this article in its entirety at Churchleaders.com

Read an article that also agrees aith Dr. Hanchell’s assertion here – http://www.scientificamerican.com/article

25 Years of Evangelizing My Husband. The truth is, I was the one who needed to change

woman man

Written by Revive our hearts. Source The Aquila Report Photo via ForFaithFamily on Facebook

One of the best parts of working at Revive Our Hearts is the mail we get each day. Emails like this. Enjoy!

The nest would soon be empty. As was our marriage.

We had our roles down pat. I was the aggressor, bordering on a plate thrower; he was the passive aggressor, master of the silent treatment. We pressed each other’s buttons with heartbreaking regularity.

Over the years I constructed a compelling case of “he did’s”—stories I relayed to accommodating girlfriends. Mind you, I did this strategically. Prayer groups were preferred. There I got head nods—even a prayer on my behalf. Please change him.

My own prayer life was all about change (meaning, him). Clearly, God was sympathetic to my cause. I was David in the Psalms unjustly treated by Saul. I was Joseph imprisoned for my faith. I was on my way to martyr status.

Why then, being so unjustly treated, so right, was I so miserable? And, for all my Bible verse quoting, why was my spiritual life so stagnant?

You see, my husband is not a believer . . . a fact I routinely brought before the Lord and prayer partners. During our twenty-five years of marriage, I had purchased countless books and CDs with titles such as BelovedUnbeliever. Yet, my daily prayer, Please change his heart, had gone unanswered.

Not, however, because of a lack of evangelism on my part. I left tracts on our coffee table and upped the volume on sermon CDs.

On Sunday mornings I would tear up. If only my husband was sitting next to me at church. If only he would thumb through a Bible. If only he could hear this sermon. From my balcony view, I would glare at the backs of other husbands, arms draped over their wives’ shoulders. Surely these husbands led nightly devotionals, volunteered at Vacation Bible School, and prayed before meals. If only . . .

Inevitably my mind would drift toward a vision, twenty-five years in the making. My husband and I would be called to the pulpit to share our story. I would smile through humble tears as he would credit me for my contagious Christianity. His testimony would highlight my years of faithfulness: attending Bible studies, teaching Sunday School, rising at 5 a.m. to seek the Lord. The applause would be deafening. Maybe we’d write a book. A video series perhaps.

Then reality would crash in. I sat alone in the pew. I taught Sunday School with strangers. My husband showed no sign of wanting to read anything remotely biblical or listen to anything remotely spiritual. Forget the book. My prayers were fruitless—my husband was not changing.

That’s when I approached Kate. She and her husband had been empty nesters for a while, and they seemed happy. Perhaps she could help.

Sitting at Panera one Saturday, Kate began her counsel, but not with the sympathetic support I had anticipated. When I began to share my story of marital hardship and martyr-like behavior, Kate interrupted. She had no interest in hearing my compelling case of “rightness.” Instead, Kate gave me a challenge.

Just that week she had found a website featuring a 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. For thirty days a wife was not supposed to say anything negative about her husband. In addition, each day she was to verbally compliment her husband. And when in public, she was to seek opportunities to praise her husband for specific things. All this was to be done with complete sincerity and not a hint of manipulation.

As Kate explained the terms of the challenge, she admitted hers was not always the beatific marriage it appeared to be—that she, too, struggled with negativity. She felt God wanted her to do the challenge with me and suggested we meet weekly over the summer to encourage one another.

This conversation took place three years ago. Turns out, the 30-Day “Challenge” is a misnomer. It has been a joy—not a challenge—and my thirty days have stretched across months and now years.

You see, within a couple of weeks, my marriage was transformed. First, my husband, a longtime critic of my cooking, suddenly took up making gourmet meals for me. Then my husband, formally stingy with compliments, began to routinely greet me with, “Hi, Gorgeous.” Finally, my husband, a person who treasures automobiles, became my knight in shining armor when I dented—no, dismantled—our brand-new Toyota Camry in an accident directly related to my inept driving.

Here’s the secret. As I verbalized compliments, I began to notice what had gone unnoticed since our dating days. Namely, that my husband is a man of integrity, a hard worker, a gentleman, a comedian; that he is handsome, articulate, and humble. He is my technology expert, personal think-tank, dog trainer, interior decorator, problem-solver, confidante, and friend. And someone whose company I began to cherish.

Looking at the negative aspects of my marriage had only produced despair—twenty-five years of whining to God about my righteousness in journals that I have since destroyed. Even Christian therapy had been reinforcing my case of “he-did’s.”

The truth is, I was the one who needed to change.

So, if I ever get called to a pulpit to give a reason for my despair giving way to joy, I will take the microphone with a humble heart. After all, it was my negativity that impeded marital intimacy for all those years. No more. The joy I now feel at waking up next to this man rivals that of any newlywed.

Visit the Revive our Hearts website and learn more about the 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge here.

You Forget About God, Family When Addicted to Porn

Please don’t miss the second post, below this one, titled: How Do You Counsel A Husband Who Has Revealed a Struggle with Pornography to His Wife? (Advice for pastors on an increasingly relevant topic)

via http://www.christianpost.com (photo via Facebook)

Pornography is an unspoken word in most congregations, but this powerful addiction is permeating Christian households, and is destroying marriages and parent-child relationships.

To combat the addiction to pornography, Pastor Jay Dennis of First Baptist Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Fla., created his own program, „One Million Men Porn Free,” because he wasn’t able to find resource materials that he could use to defeat the devastating effects the lure of pornography had on members of his church.

„I led our church initially through this program in March and April of 2010,” said Dennis, who leads a congregation of 9,000 members. „I met with our men for six Wednesday evening sessions, with the last session being the commitment rally. I also met with our women for one session and our parents for one session. The women’s session was called ‘What Men Wish Their Wives Knew About Pornography.’ The parents’ session was titled ‘Protecting Your Child From Sexual Brokenness.'”

Dennis hopes the „Join 1 Million Men” program will ultimately strengthen churches by helping pastors get the subject of pornography out in the open so they can work on rebuilding families and marriages.

„If the pastor is not addressing the issue, either he doesn’t feel it’s enough of a problem, or it’s too shameful to discuss in church,” said Dennis, who cites the biblical scriptures of Job 31:1, Psalm 119:37 and I Timothy 5:2 to illustrate the ways in which men should view and respect women.
Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/one-million-men-porn-free-pastor-you-forget-about-god-family-when-addicted-to-porn-90771/#cc7OQ2lz48I0RgjW.99

Every pastor already faces this. Unfortunately, I fear the problem will only become more common in the future; that is marriage counseling as a result of a husband’s struggle with pornogrpahy. The work to restore trust and intimacy within a marriage deeply affected by this sinful struggle is only possible through the gospel and applied most effectively within the local church; having said that, consider six practical ways that husband can reestablish trust and intimacy with his hurting wife:

1) Be patient towards your hurting wife.Men are known to deal with something, then move on. A wife, especially one sinned against by pornography will not move on so quickly.

2) Understand the seriousness of your sin against her. Sexual sin hurts a wife more deeply than most other sins against her. A husband needs to realize that the reasons this sin stings so much is that it seems to confirm almost every doubt and insecurity most women already battle within themselves. Understanding the seriousness of this sin and the pain it causes will help cultivate patience and prevent a reoccurrence of it.

3) Look to your wife to play an important role of accountability. It is easy to seek the accountability of another man when it comes to this struggle because, we say, “only another man knows what the battle is like.” Yet, you do not have to sleep next to that man every night. You do not have to look into his eyes knowing the hurt you caused. You do not have to be as patient and gracious with your buddy through this like you must with your wife. It may need to be in the context of regular counseling for a while, but convince him his wife will be a great asset to establish his new patterns and protection from falling again.

4) Consistently and creatively romance your wife. A husband should have already been pursuing his wife romantically as a regular practice. Now, he must understand this pattern must be established to restore his marriage.

5) Affirm your physical attraction to her. It should surprise no man that when he looks at other women in lustful ways, it will communicate a sharp message to his wife that he does not find her attractive. Most men would confess that is not what drove them to pornography, but it is inescapable that this is how a wife feels because of it. Encourage the man verbally to affirm his physical attraction to his wife. Then, he must back it up with his actions.

6) Realize the battle never ends this side of eternity. The gospel is powerful to free men from this bondage and to establish new patterns in their lives, but the fences of accountability must always remain.

Dragostea scade durerea

A elderly couple walks at the yard of the Canevaro old people's home in Lima

Geneza 2:18

18 Domnul Dumnezeu a zis: ,,Nu este bine ca omul să fie singur; am să -i fac un ajutor potrivit pentru el.`

DRAGOSTEA scade durerei! UN STUDIU interesant:
Într-un studiu publicat în jurnalul Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, o echipă de cercetători a utilizat un aparat de rezonanţă magnetică functională pentru a scana creierul a 17 femei ce au primit scurte şocuri în timp ce priveau fotografii ale partenerilor de viaţă, ale unor străini sau ale unor obiecte. Femeile au fost întrebate apoi de intensitatea durerii pe care au simţit-o.

Aşa cum se aştepta Eisenberger, conducătoarea echipei ce a efectuat studiul, durerea nu s-a simţit atât de tare atunci când femeile îşi priveau partenerii de viaţă. Deşi studii anterioare au descris acest fenomen, Eisenberger şi echipa sa au putut vedea aceste efecte în faţa ochilor.

S-a constatat că durerea a scăzut în urma unei activităţi în cortexul prefrontal ventromedial, o parte a creierului asociată cu sentimentul de siguranţă şi liniştire.

Observaţia susţine că ipoteza lui Eisenberger cum că prezenţa unei persoane dragi scade durerea prin producerea unor sentimente de siguranţă, mai degrabă decât simpla stimulare a sistemului neuronal de recompensă, aşa cum este văzut în rândul cuplurilor euforice care se află într-un stadiu de început al relaţiei.

Acest efect poate fi diametral opus în cazul în care voluntarilor li se arată o imagine cu un păianjen sau cu un şarpe, intensitatea durerii fiind simţită mai puternic.

Deşi noul studiu nu a fost realizat şi pe bărbaţi, Eisenberger susţine că nu există niciun motiv pentru a se crede că efectele ar fi diferite. „Oamenii ar putea sugera că femeile sunt mai sensibile, dar aceste procese sunt la fel de critice şi în cazul bărbaţilor”, încheie cercetătoarea.

CIteste mai mult aici – http://www.descopera.ro

Sondaj îngrijorător arată cum pornografia strică relațiile dintre soți

Semnele Timpului raporteaza:

Concluzia majorității experților este că pornografia este o bombă cu ceas, care stă să explodeze, în cazul multor cupluri.

Într-un sondaj recent, se arată că 70% dintre bărbații cu vârste între 18 și 34 de ani recunosc că se uită la materiale pornografice cel puțin o dată pe lună, iar per total consumul de pornografie atât în rândul bărbaților, cât și în rândul femeilor devine din ce în ce mai prevalent.
Revista Cosmopolitan, blamată de multe ori pentru popularizarea sexualității în rândul tinerilor, a făcut de data aceasta un sondaj printre 68 de experți sexologi de top, despre efectele pornografiei asupra relațiilor, iar rezultatele au fost predominant negative.
Aproape 86% dintre terapeuți cred că pornografia are un impact negativ asupra relațiilor, iar 90% dintre ei au declarat că au observat în ultimii ani o creștere a numărului de probleme în cuplu cauzate de pornografie.

Citeste articolul aici – http://www.semneletimpului.ro/stirescurta/Sondaj

Masuri propuse a impiedica accesul minorilor

Comisia de cultură a Senatului a adoptat un proiect de lege privind combaterea pornografiei în rândul minorilor. Conform acestui proiect, site-urile pornografice vor fi obligate să obțină autorizare din partea Ministerului Comunicațiilor și să își taxeze suplimentar vizitatorii.

girls-at-computerDupă ce mai multe amendamente propuse de senatorul PDL Radu F. Alexandru au fost însușite de comisie, s-a decis ca site-urile care furnizează conținut pentru adulți să fie obligate să obțină o autorizație a Ministerului Comunicațiilor. În plus, site-urile nu vor putea fi accesate decât pe baza unei parole, iar furnizorii de conținut explicit vor percepe o taxă suplimentară, evidențiată pe factura de Internet.

„Am observat că minorii au o mare dexteritate în a sparge codurile şi în a intra în aşa-zisele site-uri protejate,” a explicat senatorul Florescu, referindu-se la motivul taxării suplimentare a consumatorilor de material pornografic. Astfel, „părinţii, în momentul în care primesc factura, îți pot da seama că, fără acordul lor, minorii au avut acces la materiale” pornografice.

 

Ppotrivit Mediafax, proprietarii de site-uri pornografice sunt obligați să afișeze pe pagina de acces o atenţionare cu privire la conţinut, să permită accesul persoanelor numai după o verificare prealabilă a vârstei acestora, să evidenţieze clar numărul accesărilor. Propunerea Guvernului prevede și posibilitatea ca site-urile care nu vor respecta cerințele legale să fie blocate de către Ministerul Comunicaţiilor şi Tehnologiei Informaţiilor.

citeste tot articolul aici – http://www.semneletimpului.ro/stirescurta

Postari asemanatoare

 

Emil Bartos – Tanarul Crestin – Intre Real si Virtual

La mijlocul mesajului, sotia Pastorului Emil Bartos, Tatiana (doctor pediatric) prezinta un material din perspectiva unui medic pediatru si  discuta ce influenta are ecranul asupra creierului uman si a dezvoltarii.

Impactul tehnologiei asupra vietii spirituale

bartosLumea aceasta a internetului aproape ca nu mai are secrete. Foarte putini predicatori se incumeta sa abordeze acest subiect. Cei mai multi sunt surprinsi pentru ca ritmul in care se tehnologizeaza lumea in viata noastra este mult prea rapid  ca sa ne facem teorii la timp, sa le sutinem, sa le verificam in practica. Suntem ispititi cu o noua forma de idolatrie astazi.Ma voi ocupa doar de idolul tehnologizmului in seara aceasta. Am argument pentru toate acestea si prin viata personala. 

Faptele Apostolilor 13:36 Şi David, după ce a slujit celor din (generatia) vremea lui, după planul lui Dumnezeu, a murit, a fost îngropat lîngă părinţii săi, şi a văzut putrezirea. Cam atat se spune despre David. Ce e mai important este ca a slujit generatiei lui. Am acoperire in ceea ce va spun, nu doar teoretic, ci si practic. Cred in ceea ce va spun. Sunt tata a 6 copii, am 5 nepoti. Dar, cand am atras atentia copiilor mei si tuturor tinerilor pe care i-am pastorit si i-am invatat, sa se fereasca de acest idol al tehnologizmului, unii m-au ascultat, altii nu m-au ascultat. Si copii mei, unii au avut probleme. Si problemele, sa stiti, se intind pe termen lung.

Cand o astfel de ispitire, de incercare vine si nu esti pregatit, efectele vor fi pe termen lung. Trebuie sa remarc inca odata: Neputerea noastra, nepregatirea noastra de a confrunta problema aceasta, a invaziei lumii virtuale in lumea noastra reala. (7:45) 1 Tesaloniceni 5:21-22 …cercetaţi toate lucrurile, şi păstraţi ce este bun. Feriţi-vă de orice se pare rău.

Textul de baza; 1 Tesaloniceni 5:22 Feriţi-vă de orice se pare rău.

Devii ceea ce păstrezi

Apostolul spune ca in fata ta sunt foarte multe variante: Sa-ti traiesti viata, sa studiezi, sa cunosti. Lumea internetului, lumea tehnologiei ne-a captivat si ne-a capturat pe foarte multi. Nici nu stiu ce m-as face fara iPad. Am un iPad primit, mi-e tare drag. Dar, nu-l iubesc. Ma folosesc de el, dar nu e stapanul meu. Toti avem probabil telefoane mobile. Uitati-va la tehnica folosita in biserica. Suntem invadati de tehnologie. Aproape ca nu putem concepe inchinare fara tehnologie. Predicatorii, sunt unii care nici nu ar vrea sa predice daca nu au microfon. Uitati ce impact are in lumea virtuala, la cei care ne vad sau cei care ne vor urmari mai tarziu. E clar ca suntem intr-o alta epoca a umanitatii. Aceasta epoca este numita tehno-secularism, tehno-logizm. Tot ce incepe cu tehno- pana si omul, pana nu de mult era numit homo sapien. Acum poti sa-i spui tehno sapien.

Stiti ca perspectiva tehnologiei este ca tot mai multe organe din corpul uman sa fie inlocuite cu aparate artificiale? Deja medicii stiu ca anumite organe, vitale unele, pot fi inlocuite cu cele artificiale. Asta vrea sa spuna tehno umanismul… care sugereaza ca noi am intrat intr-o perioada post umana, in care omul, atat de mult este combinat cu masina, cu tehnica, incat nu mai este om natural, asa cum l-a creat Dumnezeu.

Uita-te la tine. Cat de mult depinzi de televizor, de internet, de telefonul mobil? Si inca suntem doar la inceput. Uitati-va la biserica, cat de mult depinde. Si lucrarile de evanghelizare, de misiune nici nu se mai pot concepe fara ajutorul tehnicii. Am integrat-o in tot spatiul nostru spiritual. Si le-am aceptat toate. Le-am primit toate fara filtre. Si asta este problema mea. Ne-am obisnuit atat de mult cu tehnica, incat o luam de-a gata, fara sa o mai filtram, ca si cum e  o normalitate. Intr-un sens e inevitabila. Nu vreau sa vorbesc astazi despre partea pozitivaa tehnologiei- faptul ca putem comunica la distanta, faptul ca prin tehnologia moderna se pot diagnostica mai usor anumite boli, se pot creea medicamente pentru boli, faptul ca democratia (in bunul sens al cuvantului) este tot mai accentuata si cunoscuta in tari care niciodata n-au cunoscut democratia.

1. Lumea  reala

Deci, beneficiile sunt foarte mari. Suntem scufundati in tehnica. Problema mea este efectele negative si apoi solutiile pe care le avem din perspectiva spirituala. Pana nu de mult noi am stiut ca exista doua lumi: Lumea aceasta reala, in special dominata de senzorial, de emotional. Adica, lumea de zi cu zi, in care daca dorea-i sa comunici cu cineva trebuia sa te duci la el, sa-l vezi ochi in ochi. Si in care daca iti dadea-i cuvantul era respectat, era lege. Si in care totul era real, fara nici o alta interventie, din alta lume. Lumea reala inseamna ca azi e Sambata, maine e Duminica, vi la inchinare… si Luni trebuie sa mergi la scoala. Lumea reala este ca ai bucurii in dragoste si dezamagiri. Lumea reala este ca trebuie sa ne platim taxele. Asta e lumea reala in care traim si nu putem fara ea. In aceasta lume am fost pusi de Dumnezeu, Creatorul nostru.

2. Lumea spirituala

Dar, mai exista o alta lume, lumea spirituala, de care stim putin. Totusi, prin harul lui Dumnezeu, El s-a descoperit pe Sine si ne-a dat cateva semne ale transcendentei, adica semne ale divinitatii intre noi. Stim putin despre aceasta. In Biblie citim despre lumea ingerilor. In lumea noastra materiala, pe langa spirit avem si trup. Dar, cand moare trupul, spiritul se intoarce la Dumnezeu in lumea spirituala, ca de acolo venim. Toti am fost creati de Dumnezeu. Dumnezeu s-a investit in fiecare dintre noi.  De aceea esti unic in ochii lui Dumnezeu. (18:30) Pana acum credeam ca exista o lume reala si o lume spirituala si din cand in cand lumea spirituala ne viziteaza. Dumnezeu ne-a vizitat in cel mai frumos mod cand Si-a trimis Fiul Sau sa se intrupeze. El, Dumnezeu si-a asumat natura noastra umana. E posibil sa fie mult mai multe vizite, dar noi nu le vedem.

3. Nou: A aparut lumea virtuala

Dar, s-a intamplat ceva. In aceste doua mii de ani in care am vazut ca sa trait clar intre lumea reala si lumea spirituala, a aparut a treia lume: Lumea virtuala. Cuvantul virtual inseamna ireal. Lumea ireala, virtuala este creata de tehnica. Aceasta lume virtuala e ceva nou. Ea nu a fost conceputa de Dumnezeu. Noi am creat-o si n-am fost intru totul pregatiti pentru ea. De aceea, lumea aceasta virtuala face victime. Daca nu stim sa o stapanim ne va stapani ea. Cei ce citesc pe internet citesc cu adevarat. Dar se inseala. Toata structura fiintei noastre, si trupesti si spirituale nu a fost conceputa de Dumnezeu pentru a trai in lumea virtuala. Ne putem folosi de lumea virtuala, dar nu este mediul in care noi existam autentic.

Stiti ca cei mai multi tineri, cand acceseaza lumea internetului nu cauta saituri pornografice, cum se credea? E pe locul doi pornografia. Pe locul intai sunt jocurile. Iti umpli vremea sa te joci. E clar, traim alte vremuri. Dar, oare am fost noi structurati pentru astfel de lume?

4 domenii in care aceasta tehnologizare a patruns foarte mult

1. Domeniul etic si moral.

Etic inseamna comportament. In lumea virtuala nu exista reguli etice si morale decat putine si nu le respecta toti. Tocmai aici este secretul de atractie acestei lumi pentru ca in lumea virtuala faci ce nu poti face in lumea reala. Te dai, iti iei un nume. Poti sa inventezi tot felul de lucruri care nu exista in lumea reala. Te hranesti cu iluzii. Iti dai un nume care sa nu poata fi depistat de nimeni. Tocmai asta este ispita. Sa intri intr-o lume fara reguli de comportament, fara reguli morale, ca si cum ce faci in lumea aceea nu se socoteste nici de Dumnezeu, nici de semeni. Oare? Oare? 

Cercetarile arata ca tinerii (in special) si-au schimbat comportamentul, modul in care se raporteaza, mai ales la oameni, la semeni, chiar si la sinele lor. Se numeste in limbaj psihologic- sinele fragmentat- in care se crede ca daca tu esti liber in lumea aceasta esti fericit. Nu e adevarat. E o pacaleala. Toate statisticile arata ca te instrainezi tot mai mult. Faci lucruri care in lumea reala nu le poti face. E o iluzie. (34:00)

Pornografia – In domeniul acesta al eticii si moralitatii multi si-au pierdut sufletul, inocenta, curatia, datorita dependentei, in special de pornografie. Vizualul te atrage. E foarte usor, intr-un singur click intri intr-o alta lume. De fapt, poti deschide foarte multe lumi noi. Si din curiozitate la inceput si din naivitate intri in lumi extrem de periculoase, pentru ca imaginile pe care le vezi iti afecteaza sufletul si trupul. Nu e adevarat ca lumea aceasta nu are de a face cu lumea reala, ca si cum, cand inchizi computerul te cuplezi imediat la lumea reala. Nu e adevarat. Iti trebuie minute intregi ca sa iti revii in lumea reala. Si unii, stiti ca nu vor sa mai revina in lumea reala. De aceea stau ore intregi in fiecare zi pe internet, ca o evadare.Isi permit lucruri acolo, de imoralitate, care evident nu si le pot permite in lumea reala. Aici intra toate chaturile, jocurile.

Etapele caderii – Jocurile ca jocurile, dar, pornografia este cumplita. Cine este robul acestei lumi pornografice in lumea virtuala are parte de etape ale caderii. Va dau patru pasi a caderii in lumea aceasta a pornografiei:

  1. Pasul tolerantei – in care iti permiti intii doar sa privesti, cica sa admiri, sa-ti cultivi frumosul. Sa iti implinesti spiritul acesta de curiozitate. Si esti tolerant cu tine tot mai mult. Si-ti permiti ca sa treci de la poze la filme. Dupa aceea largesti spectrul. Acum esti tolerant ci cu cei care sunt patimasi ca si tine. Tinerii si copii inocenti sunt atrasi in aceasta pornografie de colegi, de prieteni. Nu e nici o garantie ca esti nascut in familie de credinciosi, ca ai o educatie buna, ispita oate veni oricand. 
  2. Sevrajul – inseamna retragere. Dai semne de oboseala, de insomnie, faci cheltuieli nejustificate ca sa iti mentii pofta. Negi existenta vreunei probleme. Te feresti de limbaj, de lumea aceasta. Nu iti place. Dar, de fapt este o stare de duplicitate.
  3. Dependenta – inseamna ca nu mai ai putere sa te abtii si poate zilnic accesezi siturile murdare. N-ai vrea, dar esti deja dependent.
  4. Sacrificiile colaterale – Pentru ca sa iti mentii pofta aceasta trebuie sa renunti la alte ocupatii, ca sa ai timp de internet, ca iti cere tot mai mult sa satisfaci imaginatia si pulsiunile sexuale.

Stiti care-s consecintele? Consecintele nu sunt doar la nivelul trupului, ca trupul se hraneste din iluzii. Niciodata femeile acelea, sau barbatii aceia- sunt iluzii. Consecintele sunt mult mai multe, imprastiate pe toate zonele vietii tale.

  1. Distrugerea fizica – in care dormi mai greu, in care iti neglijezi anumite responsabilitati, in care ai disfunctii sexuale tot mai amenintatoare si sa sti ca te va afecta si in viitoarele tale relatii cu prieten, prietenul in vederea casatoriei. 
  2. Asocierile periculoase – Cand intri in aceasta lume a pornografiei, sa sti ca nu vei fi doar cu ea. Te vei intersecta si cu alte lumi. Unii se intersecteaza cu alcoolul, sau cu drogurile, sau cu depresiile tot mai frecvente.
  3. Comportamentul obsesiv – Unii trec in aceasta faza a violentei chiar, ca sa poata sa se satisfaca imaginar.
  4. Gandirea paranoica – Tot timpul ti-e frica ca vei fi descoperit. Traiesti cu frica. Ceea ce iti promitea ‘fericire’, de fapt, ti-a dat frica in final.
  5. Distrugerea vietii spirituale – in care duhul tau este mereu tulburat. Esti plin de fantezii, nu mai scapi de ele. Am stat de vorba cu tineri, care-mi spun ca chiar si in timpul inchinarii, datorita faptului ca ei erau obsedati de pornografie, chiar si in biserica aveau fantezii si nu se puteau abtine. Asta este o stare avansata si grava.  Moralitatea ta sufera, imaginatia ta sufera, relatiile tale sufera. (48:03)

2. Domeniul epistemologic 

Domeniul cunoasterii adevarului – Cand te uiti la ecran, mai ales cand vezi imagini miscatoare, tu nu ai timp, datorita succesiuni rapida a imaginilor, pentru ca in fiecare secunda ai 23 de poze care sunt in miscare. Tu nu ai timp in secundele acelea, in minutele acelea… dupa 2 sau 5 minute, tu nu mai gandesti de fapt. Tu nu mai sti  ca te uiti la ceva adevarat sau nu. Cel care iti da tie imaginile, in lumea asta virtuala, iti controleaza practic gandirea. Asta este o problema foarte mare.

3. Domeniul educational

Tatiana Bartos prezentare 

TV

La minutul 50, Tatiana Bartos prezinta informatii legate de partea aceasta- cum afecteaza gandirea noastra.

  • Expunerea indelungata si sistematica (deci ore intregi si in mod repetat zilnic) la televizor, sau jocurile pe calculator si al internetului modifica structural (adica felul in care este alcatuit si functional (adica felul in care functioneaza creerul nostru). Si nu doar atat, ci televizorul creeaza o adevarata dependenta care este similara celorlalte dependente, de alcool, de droguri sau de tutun. 
  • Activitatea creerului, atunci cand ne asezam in fata ecranului este complet diferita de cea intalnita in alte activitati ale noastre. Neuropsihologii, adica cei care studiaza felul in care functioneaza mintea noastra au ajuns la concluzia ca acei copii care din primii ani din viata au petrecut o vreme semnificativa tin timp in fata ecranului risca sa aibe un creier diferit dezvoltat, decat cei din generatiile anterioare care au crescut fara televizor. Iar deficientele incep sa apara destul de tarziu, sa fie vizibile abia prin clasa III-a.
  • Vizionarea televizorului altereaza capacitatile cognitive ale persoanei umane. Nu numai procesul invatarii este dezavantajat, ci si gandirea logica si analitica, discursivitatea, capacitatea de exprimare a ideilor, creativitatea si chiar dezvoltarea intelligentei.
  • Cele mai grave consecinte sunt asupra partii din fata a creierului, care se numeste cortex prefrontal. Acesta il deosebeste pe om de animal pentru ca in aceasta zona se orgamizeaza gandirea, invatarea, motivatia, atentia, controlul emotional, citirea, rezolvarea problemelor.
  • Expunerea prelungita si repetata la televizor si jocuri pe calculator franeaza dezvoltarea acestei parti a creierului cu afectarea capacitatii de concentrare, cu afectare atentiei, si cu favorizarea comportamentelor  instinctuale: agresivitatea, bulimia si pulsiunile sexuale. Aceasta zona a creierului se dezvolta complet doar in adolescenta tarzie, chiar la maturitate. Din aceasta cauza este extrem de sensibil la experienta televizionarii.  De aceea, Academia Americana de Pediatrie recomanda ca pana la varsta de doi ani, iar unii medici spun ca pana la varsta de 5 ani copiii sa nu fie lasati sa se uite la televizor, sau la calculator. Iar in perioada scolara, vizionarea televizorului sa fie limitata la 1-2 ore pe zi. Asta impreuna cu calculatorul.

Creierul nostru, ca si inima, ca si muschii, are activitate electrica, poate inregistra grafic. Are doua ritmuri principale, ritmul Alpha, care caracterizeaza starea de pasivitate, de relaxare si ritmul Beta, care caracterizeaza starea de activitate a creierului. S-a constatat ca indiferent de continutul programului de televiziune urmarit, creierul functioneaza, reactioneaza la fel.  In doua minute, aceasta activitate a creierului se modifica, trecand de la ritmul Beta, care e specific starii de veghe, de gandire, de analiza, de decizie, trece la ritmul Alpha- pasiv, de relaxare, Creierul nostru este alcatuit din doua jumatati- emisfera dreapta si emisfera stanga, fiecare cu functii specifice. Ca sa gandim bine, ca organizmul nostru sa functioneze bine, avem nevoie ca ambele jumatati ale creierului sa fie active; ambele sa comunice intre ele.

Emisfera stanga a creierului defineste, clasifica, descrie, lucreaza cu notiuni abstracte, cu simboluri, analizeaza situatiile si lucrurile plecand de la fiecare detaliu in parte. Gandeste in pasi logici, secvential, organizeaza lucrurile in timp, trage concluzii pe baza unor date si fapte logice, leaga ideile unele de altele si intelege relatia cauza efect.

Emisfera dreapta a creierului gandeste nonverbal, in imagini, in sunete, in emotii. Ia decizii pe baza impresiilor, a sentimentelor, a imaginilor- judecand nu liniar, ci in salturi.

Toate studiile constata aparitia unei anomalii, adica a unei anormalitati a creierului in timpul privitului la televizor. Jumatatea stanga a creierului intra in repaus, aproape ca nu mai functioneaza si lasa jumatatea dreapta a creierului sa indeplineasca toate activitatile cognitive. Si legaturile intre cele doua jumatati ale creierului asigura o functionare normala a creierului nostru sunt intrerupte. Deci, in doua minute, creierul nostru ajunge sa functioneze doar cu jumatatea dreapta.

Efectele asupra creierului si a comportamentului

kid on internet1. Avem de a face cu o scadere a capacitatii de analize si de concentrare. Partea stanga a creierului este importanta pentru organizarea, analiza si judecata datelor primite. Iar jumatatea dreapta proceseaza informatia in intregul ei, nu in detalii si determina raspunsuri mai degraba emotionale, decat rationale. Nu putem gandi rational continutul prezentat la televizor , deoarece, jumatatea stanga a creierului nostru inceteaza sa mai lucreze. Prin urmare, nu este surprinzator ca oamenii rareori inteleg ce vad la televizor si ei retin 20% din informatiile unei emisiuni informativa pe care o urmaresc.

2. Scaderea capacitatii de constientizare. Viteza foarte mare de schimbare a cadrelor, efectele tehnice in general, care bulverseaza atentia telespectatorilor, fac ca majoritatea informatiilor transmise prin televiziune sa intre direct in subconstient. Sa aiba un impact subliminal. Adica, nu sunt constientizate de loc, sau aproape de loc de telespectatori, desi ele patrund in gandirea noastra.

3. Scaderea capacitatii de invatare. Transferul activitatii creierului da pe jumatatea stanga, pe jumatatea dreapta, concomitent cu intreruperea partiala a legaturilor intre cele jumatati a creierului, conduce la un fel de anomalie. O defectiune, in care creierul se afla in starea pasiva, Alpha, de relaxare, este pus in situatia de a absorbi o cantitate uriasa de informatii.

Exista sute de studii care arata ca miscarea ochilor si gandirea sunt legate in mod direct. Actul cautarii informatiilor cu ochii, atunci cand citim, necesita si obliga in acelasi timp pe cel ce priveste sa fie alert, sa fie activ, sa nu accepte pasiv orice i se ofera. Atunci cand ochii nu se misca, ca atunci cand privim un ecran, in timpul vizionarii gandirea este diminuata.

Unii sustin ca televizorul este un mediu care favorizeaza invatarea prin cantitatea si diversitatea informatiilor diferite. Dar, de fapt, invatarea care are loc este foarte putin cognitiva. Este greu de reprodus, foarte putin analizabila si este putin bazata pe gandire. Pentru a invata cu adevarat ceva, trebuie sa interactionezi cu sursa datelor. In cazul televizorului nu gandesti cu adevarat. Informatia ajunge la tine, dar tu nu interactionezi cu sursa ei. Invatarea trebuie sa fie un proces rational si constient, care se face cu efort de intelegere. Noile cunostinte sunt depozitate in memorie, de unde pot fi scoase pentru a fi utilizate atunci cand gandim. In cazul vizionarii televizorului, cunostintele nu sunt nici percepute, nici structurate logic, nici constientizate. Televizorul are capacitatea de a-si trimite informatiile direct in subconstient, fara ca telespectatorul sa poata controla acea informatie, fara ca sa constientizeze cu adevarat ce si cum au patruns acele mesaje in memorie. Si televizorul devine astfel un mediu foarte bun de manipulare sau de modelare a comportamentului si a gandirii oamenilor. Pe acest efect subliminal, pe care informatia patrunde la  subconstient , fara a fi constientizata se bazeaza efectul publicitatii.

Cand citesc, copiii cauta imaginile din text. Urmarirea televizorului in mod prelungit si sistematic va constitui un obstacol in dezvoltarea capacitatii de lectura.  Daca vizionarea se desfasoara intensiv, inca din primii ani de viata, in perioada 2-5 ani, sau 5-14 ani, cand practic se dezvolta creierul nostru, atunci poate sa apara tabloul sintologic al ADHD (sindromul de deficit de atentie si Hiperkinezie).

4. Scaderea capacitatii de a comunica – Mediul care afecteaza felul in care se dezvolta creierul unui copil. Experienta mediului in care creste copilul joaca un rol esential in dezvoltarea structurii creierului sau. Ceea ce face copilul in fiecare zi, modul in care gandeste, felul in care comunica, ceea ce invata, stimuli care ii trag atentia, au potentialul de a modifica felul in care este alcatuit creierul. Nu numai ca schimba modul in care este folosit creierul, dar cauzeaza si modificari structurale.

SOLUTII pentru a putea preveni aceste modificari

  1. Viata disciplinata. Majoritatea specialistilor in deomeniu sustin ca nu trebuie permis ca televizorul sau calculatorul sa inlocuiasca jocurile fizice, alergatul, sau inotul. Lucrul de mana- copilul sa construiasca, sa coase, sa intreprinda ceva in general cu mainile. Sau alte activitati ce presupun folosirea ambelor- maini si picioare, ca sa utilizeze ambele jumatati ale creierului. 
  2. Disciplina spirituala. Asta inseamna educarea copilului pentru a avea grija de sufletul lui: citirea scripturii, rugaciunea, cantarea, darnicia. Sunt cateva activitati pe care copilul trebuie sa le invete de mic, ca parte a vietii lui spirituale.
  3. Relatiile lui personale. Viata de familie, contactul cu natura, lectura, frecventarea bisericii, credinta- sunt alte cai de eliberare de dependenta ecranlui.
  4. Parintii – Mama poate fi cea mai buna calauza pe care copilu o poate avea pentru a-si dezvolta mintea. Mamicilor care au copilasi de un an, 2, 3 si sunt epuizate pentru ca copilul le ocupa absolut tot timpul si isi doresc din suflet sa aibe 10 minute pentru ele, solutia se afla la indemana. Pune copilasul in fata televizorului, in fata computerului si copilul se linisteste c aprin farmec. Dar, vizionarea televizorului, inca de la varsta frageda creeaza o dependenta a copilului. Copilul il va dori din ce in ce mai mult sa urmareasca ecranul. Iar, acest lucru ii va afecta nu doar felul cum ii functioneaza creierul, ci va ramane in timp cu un grad de inteligenta mai scazuta decat i-a dat Dumnezeu sa aiba.

Vreau sa inchei cu un citat din Proverbe 4 –

Ascultaţi, fiilor, învăţătura unui tată, şi luaţi aminte, ca să pricepeţi; căci eu vă dau sfaturi bune: nu lepădaţi învăţătura mea. Căci cînd eram încă fiu la tatăl meu, şi fiu gingaş şi singur la mama mea, el mă învăţa atunci, şi-mi zicea: ,,Păstrează bine în inima ta cuvintele mele, păzeşte învăţăturile mele, şi vei trăi! Dobîndeşte înţelepciune, dobîndeşte pricepere; nu uita cuvintele gurii mele, şi nu te abate dela ele. N’o părăsi, şi ea te va păzi; iubeşte -o, şi te va ocroti! Iată începutul înţelepciunii: dobîndeşte înţelepciunea, şi cu tot ce ai, dobîndeşte priceperea. Înalţă -o, şi ea te va înălţa; ea va fi slava ta, dacă o vei îmbrăţişa. Ea îţi va pune pe cap o cunună plăcută, te va împodobi cu o strălucită cunună împărătească. (72:38)

EMIL BARTOS continua

4. Domeniul relational

 Lumea asta tehnologica a afectat foarte mult relatiile. Parintii nu pot comunica cu copii si copii nu se pot decupla. Media de stat pe internet astazi in Romania este 5-6 ore pe zi. In America 9-10 ore pe zi. Cifra creste pentru ca a fost introdus si in scoli. Aceasta este o generatie digitala. Noi avem datoria sa va avertizam, sa va pregatim. Ce aveti de gand sa faceti? Sa stati pasivi, sa nu faceti nimic? Cum o sa va cresteti copiii pe care ii veti avea?

SOLUTII

Ce avem de facut intr-o lume tehnologizata? Scopul nostru este sa ne pregatim, sa nu fim in necunostinta. Sa deosebim vremurile. Am cateva idei practice si teoretice. Motto-ul sa fie: Cercetati toate lucrurile si pastrati ce este bun. Prescurtat, asta inseamna ca devenim ceea ce pastram. Nimeni nu-ti cere sa te izolezi de lumea aceasta in care traim. Lumea virtuala ne-a cucerit, ne-a invadat. Dar, ea trebuie sa fie un slujitor al nostru. Noi sa o stapanim si noi sa ii punem limitele. Cred ca este o atitudine gresita  ca sa ignoram evolutia tehnologizmului. Atitudinea corecta este sa cunoastem si sa transformam aceasta lume tehnlogizata. Noi nu fugim, nu ne izolam, dar putem cunoaste lumea si sa o transformam. Cercetam toate si pastram ce este bun doar.

  1. Sa relocalizam tehnologia in creatie. Sa gasim locul potrivit al tehnologiei in creatia lui Dumnezeu. Daca Dumnezeu a ingaduit sa descoperim anumite legi stiintifice inseamna ca ne putem bucura de ele, dar trebuie sa le gasim locul potrivit. De aceea, asa cum am fost chemati in Geneza 1 sa fim ispravnici buni ai creatiei lui Dumnezeu, de ex.- daca tehnologia iti afecteaza trupul, spiritul, ratiunea,adevarul, trebuie sa pui limite acelei tehnologii. Daca ai primele semne ale dependentei de tehnologie, trebuie sa faci ceva imediat. Orice amanare inseamna ca vei deveni un rob foarte curand. Trebuie sa punem limite acestei tehnologii. 
  2. Regandeste-ti prioritatile- sociale cat si spirituale, cum ar fi vegherea. Domnul Isus Hristos ne indeamna: Vegheati. Fiti alerti, fiti vigilenti, tot timpul atenti. Asta inseamna ca s-ar putea, ca in iuresul acesta al tehnologizarii sa nu mai ai timp de meditatie, de partasie. Pe internet, noi intram intr-o lume mult mai periculoasa si mai ispititoare decat lumea reala, pentru ca lucreaza la nivelul imaginarului. Unii va petreceti ore intregi citind comentarii la bloguri si va hraniti cu otrava care unii o lasa acolo. Nu cred ca este corect sa ne sacrificam intimitatea partasiei cu Domnul si sa o dezvelim in vazul lumii, in virtual. De aceea, practicati mai mult solitudinea, partasia intima cu Domnul. Redescoperiti aceasta prioritate contra zgomotului lumii. Mai degraba, izolati-va in rugaciune si in partasie. Reveniti la relatiile reale, in special cu cei apropiati voua. Refuzati inlocuirea bisericii reale cu biserici virtuale. Orice inchinare necesita participarea trupului tau. Copiilor, stati mai mult cu parintii vostri, fata in fata, ca si asa ii aveti pentru scurta vreme. Reveniti la relatii normale. (90:00)
  3. Cuvantul inaintea imaginii.  Noi credem in cuvantul lui Dumnezeu si desi imaginile incep sa isi ia locul lor in inchinarea bisericii si aici trebuie sa punem limite. Cuvantul este inaintea imaginii. Am fost la biserici in alte tari unde Cuvantului i s-a dat foarte putin, 10-15 minute si restul era imagini. Cantari foarte multe cu imagini. S-au uitat la   documentare. Au transferat in biserica imaginile. Intotdeauna, in istoria bisericii ni se spune, cand imaginea a surpat cuvantul s-a nascut idolatria. Si nu suntem departe de o noua forma de idolatrie in care imaginea va fi din nou in prim plan si cuvantul va fi dat afara. Luptati pentru prioritatea Cuvantului inaintea imaginii.
  4. Aplicati disciplinele spirituale in sfera virtuala. Adica, anumite discipline pe care noi le avem in viata reala pot fi aplicate si in lumea virtuala, in anumite limite desigur. De ex. – Rugaciunea este partea vietii noastre reale. Nu cred ca exista vreo restrictie, nici teologica si nici practica,  sa folosim rugaciunea si in lumea virtuala. Cu alte cuvinte, sa rascumparam aceasta lume. Cred ca ne putem ruga unii pentru altii si folosind lumea aceasta a internetului. Dar, disciplina inseamna mai mult, inseamna abstinenta si control. V-as sugera cateva idei foarte practice:
  • Post de internet. Te abtii, si arati ca depinzi de Dumnezeu nu de mancare/internet. In perioada de post esti mai atent cu viata ta spirituala, te rogi mai mult, mijlocesti pentru altii, O zi pe saptamana sa o puneti deoparte, sa nu deschideti nici internetul, nici televizorul. Ziua aia nu deschizi nimic. Stai cu Domnul, stai cu sotul/sotia, cu familia, cu prietenii. Crezi ca poti face aceasta? Sti ce ai demonstra cu aceasta? Ca tu stapanesti aceasta lume, nu ea te stapaneste pe tine.
  • Darea de socoteala fata de mentor. Noi nu prea avem dezvoltata ideea mentoratului. Adica, tu ca si crestin trebuie sa dai socoteala din cand in cand de viata ta spirituala cuiva. Poate ca te lupti cu o ispita, cu o patima. Ai nevoie sa dai socoteala de viata ta spirituala cuiva. Cei care aveti probleme in domeniul virtual, nu stati si nu faceti nimic. Cautati un mentor- pastorii, prezbiterii bisericii, om matur pe care-l cunosti si ai incredere- du-te si spune-i problema ta. Rugati-va impreuna.  Sunt situatii foarte grave in mijlocul adunarilor noastre.

A venit la mine un tanar, cu un copil si o sotie de 30 de ani. In fiecare noapte cand pacatuia, sotia lui se culca in pat cu copilul, obosita. El ramanea noaptea tarziu si se uita la filme murdare. A inceput sa nu o mai iubeasca. Viata lui spirituala era in cadere. Si a venit la mine ca avea nevoie de ajutor. Lumea virtuala iti poate distruge relatiile cele mai dragi. Ai nevoie de ajutor. Singur s-ar putea sa nu rezisti. Asta inseamna sa dai socoteala de viata ta. L-am ajutat. Am stat impreuna, l-am mai sunat, am stat de vorba ca sa vad cum e, care e situatia cu idolul lui? Multumesc Domnului ca a scapat, s-a eliberat.

Rascumpararea lumii virtuale

Noi trebuie sa folosim aceasta lume virtuala in favoarea imparatiei lui Dumnezeu. Nu ne facem ca nu exits, nu o ignoram. Dar, de ce nu am transforma-o? De ce nu am rascumpara-o aceasta si sa o folosim pentru castigarea altora pentru Hristos?

  1. Exista tineri foarte capabili in bisericile noastre, specialisti in IT. Am putea, sub indrumare spirituala, sa strangem tinerii acestia sa formeze grupari si grupuri de evanghelizare in lumea virtuala. Sa-si foloseasca darurile, sub indrumare spirituala  si rugaciune, pentru ca sa-i castige pe tinerii care sunt pierduti pe lumea virtuala, ca nimeni nu are grija de ei. La biserica nu vin, se izoleaza tot mai mult, cine se ingrijeste de ei? Cine-i cauta? Nimeni nu o sa-i caute in lumea virtuala. Parintii acestei generatii abia se pricep la computer. De ce n-ai transforma terenul lumii virtuale intr-un camp de misiune si de evanghelizare? 
  2. Consiliere in lumea virtuala- sunt tineri care nu vor sa stie nimeni viata lor. Se ascund, evadeaza. Dar, in lumea virtuala, sub anonimat, cei mai multi sunt gata sa comunice, sa fie ajutati. Iata, ca putem cu aceste mijloace sa facem si lucrari duhovnicesti

S-ar putea sa avem un nou tip de evanghelisti, misionari si consilieri in lumea virtuala. Este Dumnezeu  atotprezent si in lumea aceasta virtuala? O, da. Noi credem ca am creat-o noi, ca e lumea noastra. Dar nu este asa. Credeti ca cel rau si demonii lucreaza in lumea virtuala? Oh, da, foarte intens. Atunci hai sa luptam, fratilor. Nu ai voie sa te uiti la aceasta lume ca inofensiva, ca una ireala. E a ta. Nu exista viata privata pentru crestin. Un crestin da socoteala de viata lui inaintea lui Dumnezeu, inaintea bisericii. de aceea si aceasta situatie trebuie dusa inaintea Domnului.

Apeleaza la puterea Duhului Sfant. Depisteaza idolii din tine, probleme alea care sunt acolo si care apartin domeniului de tehnologie. Pentru ca puterea Duhului Sfant poate sa elibereze pe om de orice fel de dependenta. Duhul lui Dumnezeu te va ajuta, daca vei fi sincer. Nu stiu ce hotarare vei lua dar datoria mea a fost sa iti atrag atentia ca ne luptam azi cu un nou idol, ca suntem in fata unui nou pericol si daca nu esti pregatit, caderea va fi pe termen lung si vei fi greu de recuperat. De aceea trebuie sa te inarmezi acum, sa iei hotarari chiar astazi pentru viata ta.

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Rodica Volintiru – Conferinta Femeilor la Biserica Elim Chicago

rodica volintiru

Cand am postat acest articol, nu am observat ca l-am postat cu data de Ianuarie 2012, in loc sa-l postez pe 2013. Pentru ca toti cei inscrisi la blog l-au primit prin email si sa nu se piarda linkul original, il repostez astazi ca sa apara si tuturor cititorilor care ne citesc accesand pagina blogului zilnic prin HOME PAGE.

Via CredoTV. Rodica isi incepe un mesaj adresat femeilor la minutul 26. Aici cateva notite din mesajul din primul video:

  • min 38:00 – sa avem grija ce spunem copiilor nostri, sotilor nostri, in Proverbe 18:21 spune ca „moartea si viata stau in puterea limbii.” Cum adica? Nu e Dumnezeu implicat acolo. Dumnezeu a stiut, pentru ca El a creat totul prin Cuvant, El ne-a dat noua acelasi lucru, aceiasi putere si aceiasi autoritate – prin ceea ce spunem, noi atragem viata sau moarte. Atragem binecuvantare sau blestem. Mai de vreme sau mai tarziu te vei intalni cu ceea ce ai vorbit. Daca cititi in proverbe, de cate ori este amintit cuvantul limba si gura si buze, ceea ce noi vorbim. In Matei 12, Domnul spune, „Din prisosul inimii vorbeste gura. Deci ce ai inima, aia vorbesti. Va veni vremea judecatii cand vei da socoteala de orice cuvant nefolositor- nu neaparat blesteme, pacate, injuraturi. Vom da socoteala de orice cuvant neflositor care ne-a iesit din gura. Ce vrea Domnul sa ne spuna prin asta?
  • In 1 Petru 4 spune ca „cine vorbeste, sa vorbeasca cuvintele lui Dumnezeu.” Revenim din nou la puterea cuvantului. Dumnezeu a zis si s-a facut. El porunceste si ia fiinta. Cuvintele lui Dumnezeu aduc binecuvantare, lumina, revelatie. Cand tu incepi sa vorbesti cuvintele lui Dumnezeu, ceva incepe sa se intample. Vrasmasul nu mai are putere asupra ta. Marcu 11:22-24 spune sa ai credinta in Dumnezeu. Conditia? Sa crezi ca ceea ce zici se va face si vei avea ceea ce tu ai cerut. Intelegeti cat de important este ceea ce noi vorbim? Cuvintele noastre sa fie putine si drese cu sare. Sa dea har celor care le aud.
  • Sa fim sincere, cate pacate si greseli am facut cu limba si cu gura noastra?

Rodica, a 8-a nascuta in familie a auzit ca mama ei, care avuse cei 8 copii intr-un timp relativ scut, nu ar fi dorit-o. Aceste cuvinte au urmarit-o si ca consecinta, Rodica a incercat de mai multe ori sa isi curme viata. Dar, Dumnezeu veghea si avea un plan cu ea.

  • (min 45) Stii ca Dumnezeu are un destin pentru tine? Cunosti tu destinul care il are Dumnezeu pentru tine? Si te intreb: De ce te-ai pocait? Ca sa scapi de iad? De ce te-ai nascut pe acest pamant? Ca sa ai o casa, o masa, o familie si apoi ne rugam pentru o rapire? Nu-i numai atat. Dumnezeu a dat pamantul in mana omului. Dumnezeu vrea sa transforme acest pamant prin mine si prin tine. Dumnezeu vrea sa fim lucratori impreuna cu El. El ne-a dat fiecaruia un destin si in fiecare din noi a pus abilitati si calitati si daruri supranaturale. Toti suntem madulare in trupul lui Hristos. Hristos este capul, biserica este trupul- inclusiv femeia si barbatul. Tu esti un madular in trupul lui Hristos. Ti-ai gasit scopul, ti-ai gasit menirea? 
  • Tu esti creata ca sa invingi. Tu esti creata ca sa fi biruitoare. Tu esti creata ca sa faci o diferenta in lumea aceasta. Tu esti creata ca sa aduci viata. Eva inseamna viata. Tu, care esti casatorita si ai copii, tu ai adus viata.
  • Pacatul, necredinta, nestiinta, indiferenta, confortul poate anuleaza aceste mari lucrari care sunt in viata noastra.

Rodica crestea in adunare, dar simtea un mare gol si o mare nevoie de a fi iubita

  • Mamelor, aveti grija. Noi, generatia mai in varsta (mai ales noi, Romanii) nu am fost invatati cum sa aratam dragoste pentru copii. O avem, dar nu a aratam si aceasta este foarte gresit. Copiii au nevoie sa le spui ca-i iubesti, sa-i managi si sa plangi cu ei. Nu numai sa-i certi si sa le spui: Nu aia, nu aia. Noi am fost invatati din duhul comunismului peste noi. Inca mai avem din traditia romaneasca si cultura peste noi. Dumnezeu vrea sa ne elibereze, sa intelegm dragostea de tata, supranatural divin. Ca noi s-o avem la fel si sa o dam mai departe. (Ca si copil) am nevoia sa ma duc (la mama) si sa ma plang, sa ma deschid. Si pentru ca nu gasesc in noi, se duc la altii si isi deschid inima la altii. Si poate ca gaseste o persoana care nu e potrivita si ii duce din rau in mai rau. Copilul fuge de acasa din cauza ca nu gaseste dragoste acasa. Chiar daca il iubesti, dar daca nu i-o arati iti pierzi copilul.
  • Foarte multi copii de credinciosi cand trec de varsta de 15 ani sau mai mult au luat-o razna. De ce? Si au fost la biserica. De ce? Acasa nu este dragoste. Si al doilea, nu a vazut in noi o relatie de dragoste cu Dumnezeu. Ci, a vazut in ni doar o dictatura: Dand legi. Trebuie sa aratam dragoste si ingaduinta pentru ca traim in vremea harului si nici unul n-am mai rezista de aici, daca Dumnezeu ne-ar pedepsi dupa Vechiul Testament. Cate pacate am facut fiecare si gresim in fiecare zi? Dar inca este har. Domnul Isus mijloceste. Asta nu inseamna ca incurajezi pacatul. Nu, nici atat. Dar stiu, pentru ca la noi in cultura noastra este mai mult: Nu te duce, sa nu faci- sa taiem. Trebuie sa jungem sa echilibram, sa intelegem si puterea dragostei.
  • Noi femeile suntem create dupa inima si frumusetea lui Dumnezeu. A pus asa frumusete in noi. Si de aceea suntem, in acelasi timp, suntem mai sensibile si avem nevoia de a fi iubite. Adu-ti aminte, prima data cand te-ai intalnit cu un baiat, tu nu ai dorit sex. Ai dorit sa fi iubita, sa fi apreciata si ai dorit sa ti se spuna un cuvant de dragoste: „Ce frumoasa esti. Atat de mult imi place de tine. Te iubesc.” Asta este inima fetelor. Noi am fost create ca sa dam viata, sa fim iubite si sa iubim.
  • Mamelor, vreau sa va incurajez: Nu e prea tarziu. Nu conteaza ce varsta ai. Cheama-ti copii. Nu-i certa, spune-le ca-i iubesti. Dragostea se invata.
  • Daca ai un gol in suflet, indiferent daca ai absolut tot, daca golul este acolo, Domnul vrea sa ti-l umple. Acel gol este creat de Dumnezeu si are forma Lui. Si nimeni si nimic, nici religia ta, nici banii tai, nimic nu-l implineste. Nimic nu te va satisface, decat cand ajungi la asa o adancime de relatie cu Dumnezeu, un foc care te patrunde si inclusiv El si puterea Lui intra in tine si Il simti, Il vezi, Il crezi. A intrat in tine si totul se transforma in tine si-n jurul tau. Vorbesc din propria mea experienta. Am ajuns sa ma castoresc si sa zic: Doamne, mi-ai dat printul, mi-ai dat copii si totusi lipsa mea e asa de mare. Am luat carti, am luat cd uri, Biblia sa nu mai spun. Eram insetata, eram atat de dornica dupa Dumnezeu. Eram disperata. Si vreau sa-ti spun: Daca n-ai ajuns la disperare, nu poti sa gusti acea plinatate. Ca Dumnezeu vrea plinatate. Nu doar franturi, nu te multumi cu roscove, nu te multumi cu anumite clipuri, anumite revelatii. Tanjeste si du-te. „Vreau mai mult din Tine Doamne!” Dar, ti se cere jertfa. Ti se cere sa platesti un pret.
  • Ma rog ca Domnul sa produca in tine o disperare. Daca ai ajuns in disperare esti in locul cel mai potrivit. Trebuie neaparat sa fi intr-o pustie ca sa realizezi ce buna este apa si ce minunat este cand intalnesti un izvor. Pentru ca atunci cand avem de toate, nu mai realizezi cat de importanta este apa sau chiar mancarea. Pentru ca ai. Du-te intr-un post de 10 zile, de 20 de zile, de 40 de zile, sa nu gusti mancare. Sa vezi atunci, cand incepi sa mananci ii multumesti Domnului si abia atunci vezi gustul adevarat.
  • Daca treci prin pustie, pustia inseamna un loc de incercare, un loc de suferinta, un loc de dezamagire, un loc de nemultumire. In care esti dezamagit si depresionat. Am intalnit anul acesta atatea femei in depresie din cauza problemelor, de care m-a durut inima. Daca ai probleme si esti intr-un loc de desert, Domnul vrea sa-ti indrepte pasii spre izvor. Este o oaza care este suficient pentru tine sa te adapi. Rauri de apa vie vor curge din tine, cum spune scriptura. Doresti tu lucrul acesta. Dar, te intreb: Esti disperata. Vezi oaza? Oaza trebuie sa o vedem ca ne numim crestine si venim la biserica. Cunoastem cuvantul foarte mult. Predici frumoase. Ce faci cu cuvantul pe care-l auzi? Cat de mult il pui in aplicare?

Primul pas, in afara de disperarea aceasta este:

  1. Decizie – Faci o decizie radicala – Cere Domnului sa ti-o dea. De azi inainte eu incep sa postesc, sa ma rog, sa stau cu Domnul. Decizia de astazi: Ma rup de lucrurile lumesti si firesti. De azi iau o decizie si apoi-
  2. Determinare – Cerei Domnului Determinarea – In al doilea rand: Sa nu cedezi. Sa cunosti puterea Lui, a invierii Lui, dar si a suferintei Lui. Cere-i Domnului: Doamne, ajuta-ma sa Te cunosc, inainte de a-i cere sa-ti rezolve problema. Problema este ca noi ne concentram prea mult la problema. Problemele noastre devin foarte mari, ne apasa in jos si Dumnezeu departe, departe. Eu stiu daca Dumnezeu ma aude si daca imi va raspunde? De aceea, hai sa lasam problemel, nevoile noastre. Nu ca nu le spunem Domnului, ci perseveram si incepem sa urcam pe munte si mergem pe pretul cunoasterii lui Dumnezeu, sa incep sa-i vad frumusetea si slava, sa chem numele Domnului si sa realizez cata putere, cine este El. Cine este in spatele numele Domnului? Pentru ca incepand din Vechiul Testament spune David: Si am chemat numele Domnului. Cunosti tu acest nume al Domnului? Din nou, vrasmasul, datorita problemelor care le avem, a necunostintei,  a pus un filtru ca sa nu vedem frumusetea puterii lui Dumnezeu. Si ne zbatem noi, ca pestele pe uscat si nu avem rezultat. Pentru ca te-ai uitat la tine mai mult si la ce faci tu. Si nu te-ai uitat la ce face El.

Partea 1

Partea 2

Alcoolul si fetele

Avem tendinta sa stam de vorba cu baietii nostri despre pericolul alcoolului, dar iata o statistica trista care ne spune ca trebuie sa ne invatam si fetele sa se fereasca de acest pericol:
In SUA, aproximativ 23.000 de femei mor anual ca urmare a abuzului de alcool. În afară de bolile asociate consumului de alcool, fetele şi femeile au şi un risc crescut de a rămâne însărcinate, de a contracta boli cu transmitere sexuală şi de a face cancer la sân. Problema este gravă nu doar peste ocean, ci şi în Europa

Numărul de decese ca urmare a abuzului de alcool crește de la an la an, potrivit unui raport realizat de Centrele pentru prevenirea şi controlul îmbolnăvirilor din SUA. Aceeaşi problemă o au şi autorităţile scoţiene, care se confruntă cu o dublare a deceselor cauzate de alcoolism, în rândul femeilor.

Raportul a arătat că una din opt femei din SUA consumă regulat alcool în exces şi, potrivit ABC News, situaţia este şi mai gravă în rândul adolescentelor. Una din cinci liceene consumă alcool în exces.

sursa http://www.semneletimpului.ro

Sunt cel putin 75 de versete despre vin in Biblie la acest site. Desi e in Engleza, e foarte simplu sa descifrati versetele dupa pasajele/cartile din Biblie mentionate. – http://www.scionofzion.com/drinking.htm

The Lies of Lust and porn

Below the video are some verses  that tell us what the Bible has to say about pornography.

Dads, you must equip your boy or girl as to what pornography really is. They’re going to stumble over it, whether at a sleep over, or when walking by a computer at the public library. The best description of why pornography works and why it is so addictive is given by Paul. What is lust? According to Paul, lust is deceit. Pornography is a liar. You bought the lie, didn’t you. And you bought it a lot. Lust is deceitful. And deceit is the prime source of lust’s power.

eyeWhy is it that you act on your lust? Because it’s lying to you. What do you say in your brain? That little something that kicks and says, „I want that. That will feel good.” That’s a lie. Because lust is a lie. It promises you will feel good, but you don’t, do you? It is normal to have desire for one’s spouse, but, we’re talking about lust here- looking with sexual desire  and fantasies at what does not belong to you. It’s lying to you.

Now, enter this modern thing called pornography. This is like the sparkling diamond in the crown of lust. Because lust promises physical pleasure that is supposed to be so good and so powerful, but, it’s lying to you because it’s so powerful. It is a master deceiver and porn is its masterpiece. Porn is lust in its most tantalizing form. Why? Nothing is left to the imagination. Porn is the most blatant of all of lust’s lies. It is a hideous beast, it pummels its victims. Along comes porn and says, „This is going to be good.

Porn comes along to the hedonistic soul at heart, not finding satisfaction in God. Finding satisfaction is stuff- eating, drinking and being merry is the god of their world, and maybe yours too because you’re believing some of that lie that hedonism is a good goal and „it will feel good if I do it”. But Paul says: It’s a liar.

Lust promises that physical pleasure can deliver deep, unequaled and sustainable satisfaction. But, does it always deliver something else? Heart wrenching dissatisfaction, because it’s a liar. It never delivers what it promises. Pornography results with the exact opposite of its promise.

Every time you participate in pornography, it is mocking you „for stupidity”. The lie, AGAIN! You bough it again! Didn’t you learn it the last time, and the time before, and the time before that… when it lied to you, and you felt awful?

Todd Friel from his wretched radio broadcast June 17, 2011.

Psalm 119:37 – Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

Psalm 119:9-10 – How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!

1 John 2:16 – For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

Proverbs 7:21-27 – With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. And now, O sons, listen to me, and be attentive to the words of my mouth. Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths, …

Matthew 5:28 – But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 6:22-23 – “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Hebrews 13:4 – Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Galatians 5:19 – Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,

Habakkuk 2:15 – “Woe to him who makes his neighbors drink— you pour out your wrath and make them drunk, in order to gaze at their nakedness!

Romans 13:13 – Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-6 – For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.

1 Corinthians  6:18-20 – Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:9 – Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,

1 Corinthians 6:13 – Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

Ephesians 2:3 – Among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

http://www.openbible.info

Sexual Temptation – Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?

A great post over at ChurchLeaders.com written by Aaron McCarter.

Aaron McCarter shows that „Proverbs is warning us not to let lust override the commandments of God’s word„. And McCarter points out that it is no different today, than it was during Solomon’s reign when he wrote his admonitions to young men. McCarter writes:

Proverbs holds a view of romance, marriage, and sex that was counter-cultural back then, and it’s counter-cultural now. In Proverbs, the highest possible value is placed on faithfulness and friendship in marriage. I’m not entirely sure those are the leading ideas in culture at large today.

He talks about the danger of sexual temptation and recounts the devastation he has seen from „having a front row seat” to the destruction of many a marriage:

Being a pastor can be sobering at times. I’ve been given a front row seat too many times to watch the destruction that unfaithfulness brings to a marriage. It’s horrifying to watch. Usually I’m brought in to help… but I generally feel like a helpless bystander with little or nothing to offer. It’s just carnage. You’ve probably seen it yourself.

No decent human being sets out to cheat on their spouse… but it happens all of time. Why? It’s not because somebody goes out and does it. It’s far more subtle than that. The seeds of adultery are planted in the mind.

People have affairs because one day they allowed themselves to consider it. That’s all. And then, inevitably, they flirted with the idea (even if they didn’t yet even flirt with an actual person). And the momentum gathers.

“Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished.”

He concludes by comparing lust to fire and showing how fire can be „powerful and useful„, yet, „difficult to contain and enormously destructive„. He concludes with a pastoral warning:

Don’t see how long you can carry fire next to your chest. God intended sex, romance, and relationships to be handled in a certain way, and walking close to sexual temptation is a sure way to get burned.

 

 

 

 

Video of the week – Abandoned by God

God s way my way

John MacArthur: 1 Corinthians 1 „Men, by wisdom knew not God.” Human wisdom, just on its own doesn’t get there. Then you add that the god of this world blinded the minds of them that do not believe and you’ve got a compounding blindness. And then you add the fact that they are blinded by virtue of the sweeping, dominating elements of their culture.

It’s always about truth. Always. From the garden, it started out as a war on truth. God says, „You eat the fruit, you die”. Satan says, „No you won’t. You shall not surely die”. There it is. Adam and Eve believed Satan. They thought God was lying to them. That started the truth war, it’s going on today. It’s always about the truth. Simple, this happens when you suppress the truth.   What truth? Real truth, as Francis Schaeffer used to say, ‘The true truth”.

Biblical truth, you suppress this, it’s where you go. You take the word of God out of the place of supremacy, and you suppress the truth. Deny its truth, deny its veracity, deny its authenticity, deny it’s inerrancy, deny it’s inspiration, deny it’s sufficiency… Deny it’s clarity- that’s the latest one- that nobody really knows what the Bible means anyways, „It’s a wonderful book, God gave it to us, but, we really don’t know what it really means”. That’s convenient.

Only in the modern world do we not get it. We go back to God. The massive first cause of everything. That’s in the fabric of being human. You know you have to work hard for a couple of hundred years to convince a society that that’s nonsense (belief in the Bible) and that what makes sense is that nobody x nothing + everything. And though it doesn’t make sense, it works in a totally immoral culture because if there’s no Creator, there’s no judge.

So, reason is the first thing that shows you God. The second is morality, which is built into the fabric of all of us and has to be cultivated to the point that a society of people  reason that they don’t need God, and their sense of morality has been totally perverted.

God only wants one thing out of a nation. Listen, and believe this book (the Bible). There’s only one solution and that’s the truth. The truth by which God saves, God sanctifies. And, if this nation will respond and listen to His truth, God will open the floodgates and we might be the greatest recovery story in history. But, there’s no other way, than that „people listen to Me, and walk in my ways”.  But, it’s not gonna happen if there is famine of the word of God. Pray, that the word, as Paul said, would have free course and that it would run with all its power across this land.
Many thanks to Gabi Bogdan for this video.

Pornography – What’s the big deal?

A Veritas lecture at Fresno State University about the presence and effects of pornography today.

Russell Willingham, the first presenter, explores the issue of pornography and sexual brokenness. He examines the spiritual, psychological, social and cultural aspects of these issues from a biblical standpoint. He demonstrates how a biblical worldview on this subject is effective in transforming lives for the better. Russell Willingham is Director of New Creation Ministry in Fresno, California.

Dr. Tamyra Pierce, the second presenter at the 46th minute, shares her research and expertise on the content, some of it pornographic, found on teens’ ‘MySpace’ websites. Dr. Tamyra Pierce is assistant professor and director of the Dept. of Mass Communications and Journalism at Fresno State University. She holds a doctorate in Media Effects from University of Missouri, Columbia.

There is a Question and Answer session with the students at the end.

Seven problems with pornography:

  1. Pornography objectifies sex. It divorces sexuality from any kind of relationship.
  2. Pornography trains the person who engages in it to live in his head, in a narcissistic world of gratification.
  3. Pornography keeps the person stuck in an adolescent selfishness, rendering them incapable of true adult relating or sexual functioning.
  4. People who engage in pornography tend to become isolated.
  5. When it comes to pornography, more and more research has indicated that pornography has a lot in common with substance abuses and other addictive behaviors. There is an actual neurochemical kick involved with pornography.
  6. It often leads the person to act out the pornographic scenarios that they’ve seen.
  7. Physiologically, more and more research is indicating that porn actually stimulates the brain (in males and females) in ways that create an addictive experience, adrenal releases and neurotransmitter releases that actually change, not only brain functioning, but, brain tissue.

Pornography: What’s the Big Deal? from Veritas [2] on Vimeo.

The Social Institution Damages Pornography Causes:

(1) SOCIAL DAMAGE: In the social institution of Marriage- it chips away at it in a number of ways: 

  • If the couple engages in pornography together, they lose their intimacy, which takes years to develop. In time, the man tends to become more attached to the pornography and less attached to the wife.
  • Pornography provides images and scenarios that a spouse (man or woman) can never live up to and it breeds this chronic disappointment.
  • Pornography tends to isolate the user from the spouse, which can lead to solo sex, adultery and even prostitution.
  • It blinds their thought pattern. They stop engaging with spouse and children, or even their job, because they can’t think of anything else.

(2) PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE: In the relationship and with the training of children

  • Pornography has such an addictive quality that the person who engages in this (and this applies to all addictions) the addict has the addiction as his/her primary relationship in life. Every other relationship is secondary. In fact, the people in the addicts life are judged in whether they get in the way of their addictions or they encourage it. So, obviously, that’s gonna cause problems for  a father or a mother, who needs to be emotionally available to their children, when they are actually occupied with other pursuits in their mind.
  • Another issue is that addiction tends to rob us of our soul. We become automatons. It definitely impacts how we parent our children. They become truly unable to engage children’s real needs. Children need more than food, clothing, and shelter, a drive to the soccer practice, a movie or hot dog from time to time. They need adults who will engage them soul to soul, and addicts cannot do that effectively, because their soul is engaged elsewhere. Even if they’re not acting up as of this moment, it robs us of our ability to be human.
  • The emotional detachment that the children experience on the part of the parent who’s addicted to porn, feels to them like rejection. And this sets the children up, often times, for lifetime issues of abandonment, that will likely spur addictions in their own lives, down the road, to fill the hole. And the beat goes on.
  • Lastly, the person who engages in pornography, if they do any sex education at all, they will either give their children a warped view of sexuality or because of their own shame and guilt, they won’t talk to their children at all. (22:00)
  • If a person engages in certain types of pornography and allows certain walls to crumble in their own moral system,  they could even abuse their own children sexually. Pornography shapes and warps a person’s perspective not only for sexuality, but, for what people are for and what people are about and how to connect and it can create problems. Pornography has a way of breaking down laws of our own conscience, to the point where we don’t even see a problem anymore and anyone who points out that problem anymore is simply a ‘prude’.

(3) CULTURAL DAMAGE: How pornography affects culture

  • This is not just a private matter. We like to think we are islands, and what we do in private doesn’t affect anybody else. That’s a falsehood. 
  •  (1) First point about that is: There is an entire industry in pornography, that requires the violation of women and children. If you have engaged in online pornography (or videos or printed) you have helped support that industry. You’ve given your donation to them. You’re helping to enslave people. Much of the slave trade, human trafficking is related to pornography or prostitution.
  • (2) Pornography contributes to the cheapening of sex in our culture and the lowering of protection of marriage and children. Pornography contributes to many crimes: Rape, child abduction and molestation. At the national level, Americans spend between 8 and 10 billion dollars annually on pornography.
  • It contributes to the early sexualization of children and teens.
  • There’s been a link to teen sexuality and depression.

(4) SPIRITUAL DAMAGE: There is a damage that we inflict on ourselves when we engage in pornography.

  • 1 Corinthians 6:18 „Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” When Paul talks about ‘body’, he has a much more hollistic view than we do. He sees it as being – body, soul and spirit, the whole package. And, he is teaching that when we engage in sexually destructive acts, it does a number on our psyche, in a way that nothing else can touch. My sexuality is with me all the time. And, if my behaviors and my choices distort that, I carry that around with me the rest of my life. Thankfully, a person can experience healing from that. But, it is incredibly hard work. That’s one of the reasons the Bible pleads with people not to go down this road. Because whatever impacts the spirit and the soul, will eventually impact the body as well.
  • Sex, like every other desire, can burn out of control and it can cause damage. And, throughout history, every  culture that practiced a biblical sexual ethic, and what I mean by that is monogamy,  saw less violence against women and children, and even greater economic prosperity. If you’re interested in doing research on that, I would recommend a book called „The Gift of the Jews”. And, it’s argued in that book that the Jewish nation gave the world something it never had before: monotheism and monogamy. And every culture that’s been impacted by that has been blessed.
  • In my work, I have worked with some very broken men and women. By the way, the whole pornography issue is becoming a bigger and bigger issue for women now. That’s a first. That’s a whole new phenomena that’s never existed before. I’ve seen very broken people, marriages that had no hope. People who had been engaged in this behavior for 20 or 30 years start to heal. Start to experience not only behavior modification, but intra psychic change. And of course, as a Bible believing Christian, I believe that the Creator has the power to bring that about. It’s not a quick fix. It’s really the hard work of recovery just like AA has said for 100 years, encouraging everybody in their groups to reach up to a higher power. I just tend to be more specific about that power.
  • There is an interesting story in the New testament book of John. It tells the story of Jesus speaking to a female sex addict. And the way He interacts with her us fascinating. He’s talking with her about spiritual things and then He says, „Go and call your husband, I’d like to talk with him”. She says, „Well, I don’t have a hsband”. He says, „You’re right when you say that, you’ve had 5 husbands and the man you’re with now is not your husband. He’s a live in, but, you’re not married”. And she was stunned. She felt like He saw her whole life. But, not once does He bring the book down her head, not once does he tell her she needs to repent, she needs to get her act together. In fact, what He says to her is, „You’re here at this well looking for water, I have living water to give you, if you want it”.  My paraphrase? You’ve been looking for satisfaction and satiation for your soul in the arms of one man after another. You haven’t found it daughter. Only your Creator can give that to you. God is far from being shameful and angry at people who have sexual struggles. He wants to restore them. So, pornography is in fact a problem, but, there is a solution. (46:00)

Pornography – the „family killer” that is increasing divorce and infidelity rates

photo via http://www.images.learnsoc.org

Experts call it the „quiet family killer.”

Pornography is a booming business, but the addiction is now to blame for a growing number of divorces.

Four to 16 hours a day of sexually explicit videos and pictures. That’s how far porn addiction goes for many of Michael Howard’s married clients.

„For the spouse or partner that feels betrayed, it’s as if their partner is choosing someone or something else over them,” said Howard, a marriage and family therapist at the Healing Solutions Counseling Center.

Howard says pornography breaks relationships as much or more than cheating.

„Feelings of inadequacy. Am I not good enough, am I not pretty enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough, am I not good enough in bed?” said Howard.

Divorce and child custody attorneys say those doubts lead many couples to court.

„We see over 50 percent, probably between 50 and 60 percent of every case, someone is alleging pornography excessive use,” said Angela McIlveen, of Mcllveen Family Law Firm.
Read the entire article here – http://www.foxcharlotte.com/news/top-stories/Porn-Use-Increasing-Local-Divorce

Nu urmări eliberarea de pornografie, urmăreşte-L pe Hristos – Don’t Pursue Freedom from Pornography, Pursue Christ (English/Romanian)

telegraph.co.uk

Tu nu te lupti cu o dependenta de pornografie, tu te lupti cu o dependenta de pacat si in timp ce tu il cauti pe Hristos, in timp ce te increzi in El vei descoperi libertate din dependenta ta de pacat si eliberare de pacatul sexual. Eliberarea de pacatul sexual si de orice fel de pacat nu vine prin confruntarea pacatului si prin a spune, „Trebuie sa biruiesc asta.” Ci vine din a gasi acel ceva care este mai frumos- care este Hristos, si odata ce-L vezi pe El, odata ce te uiti la El ca fiind mai bun, vei birui cu siguranta.

Dacă vrei eliberarea de pornografie, atunci întoarce-ţi ochii spre frumuseţea, sacrificiul lui Isus Hristos pentru salvarea păcătoşilor de mânia Lui Dumnezeu, bând El acea mânie pentru credincios la cruce.

English Title: Don’t Pursue Freedom from Pornography, Pursue Christ  Published on Nov 28, 2012 by 

Related articles

Biblical Womanhood by Paul Washer


Related posts

Women embracing pornography

with thanks to Gabi Bogdan for alerting us to this link.
Here’s an article that describes the new phenomena of not only how women are getting into and addicted to porn, but how they are influencing their daughter’s generation as well. Read the entire article here – http://www.foxnews.com/opinion The article is written by Patrick Wanis, PhD, human behavior and relationship expert. For more visit: www.patrickwanis.com

Dr. Wanis claims that not only is ”

porn becoming socially acceptable, but it is becoming an aspirational target for women.”

He also points to the fact that

Using sex for money and fame, women have found a new way to feel powerful and secure without a man or even necessarily a family.”

But the more disturbing trend that Dr. Wanis points out is that mothers are now sexualizing their daughter by dressing them (not allowing, but actually encouraging this) in provocative clothing, including babies and toddlers. (see his examples in the article).

Dr. Wanis makes a statement that I have not heard before, but, which is right on the mark. I remember the feminist movement fighting militantly against pornography on the basis that it degrades and objectifies women. Now, the tables have turned. Porn is seen as a quick way to riches and fame and has become acceptable in the mainstream by most women. Yet, in the end, as Dr. Wanis points out-

The paradox is that women are becoming more educated than men as women surpass men in attendance and graduation rates – for every two men who get a college degree, three women will do also. But, women are failing to realize the dangers of falling for porn or promoting porn as the new fashionable profession and path to fame, riches and glory. This is the antithesis of female empowerment as MTV, Kim Kardashian and Octomom are teaching young girls to gain power over men by using sex. 

Women have now created false empty idols and have lost their real sense of self-worth, value and significance, replacing it with fleeting pseudo-power and artificial values and relationships, leaving them feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

Pornography is equally damaging to adult relationships and social bonds – men are struggling to develop close, intimate relationships with real women with some men now preferring porn to sex with an actual human being.

He concludes:

Bottom line: porn does not promote love or sex but rather cruelty and hatred to women, and so, while women continue to endorse and make porn fashionable or a new ideal, they are foolishly robbing themselves and undermining all of the positive strides and triumphs they have made in their quest for equality.

Please read this article in its entirety at the link below and ponder the impact of our words and actions and ultimately ponder the cost incurred to our children’s generation.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/15/how-women-made-porn-fashionable/?intcmp=obnetwork#ixzz2CDPEgTCq

New Book: When your husband is addicted to pornography + 2 more

There’s a new book that has just been published, and I must say it is much needed. There are now many books on the market for those that are struggling with pornography and sex addiction, however, this is the first that I have seen that deals with the other victim of pornography- the spouse. Many women live through the darkness and fog of dealing with their husband’s addiction to pornography and suffer in silence and shame. This book looks like it is very helpful in helping women understand their role, find healing, and regain their trust in God and life in general. Having had the opportunity to speak to many  female readers of this blog who find themselves in this very situation, I am thankful that Vicki Tiede was gracious enough to share her story and pain, in order to help so many other women out there that don’t know where to turn. Below this book, there are also 2 other books geared towards men and women who are personally struggling with pornography.

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY:

HEALING YOUR WOUNDED HEART

Description: After the Shock Moving from Despair to Healing and Hope

When your husband’s addiction to pornography leaves you shattered, betrayed, and alone, where do you turn? Who do you turn to? Vicki Tiede, writing from personal experience, gently guides women toward God and away from despair. Through daily readings and questions on six important topics: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness, you will grow in healing and hope. Allowing God to meet your greatest needs is a long and learned process, but he promises to help you every step of the way. Questions and daily readings are suitable for both individuals and small groups.

„Vicki Tiede has done an extraordinary job of describing one of the „hidden sins” in our churches and culture that destroys marriages and causes deep anguish. She shares the stories of twenty-five women who have known this pain; and she gives poignant, biblical advice on a workable plan of action. Vicki¿s willingness to tell her own story makes this book shine with warmth, depth, and renewed hope. If you are struggling with the problem personally or if you counsel people who do, read this book!”
–Carol Kent, Speaker; author of Between a Rock and a Grace Place

„There is no doubt that pornography has created a tsunami of personal and relational pain. While culture might suggest that it is normal, the trauma that it creates in marriages suggests that it is not healthy. Vicki brings her extensive experience in Bible teaching to provide hope and healing for spouses who have been betrayed by pornography addiction.  Her use of Scripture gently reminds spouses to lean into God¿s truths: He will provide, protect, and walk along all those who are hurting; you are not alone.”
–Debbie Laaser, LAMFT; author of Shattered Vows

„Vicki Tiede’s book provides hope, help, and a pathway to healing for women marred by their husband’s addiction to pornography. Based on biblical principles, this resource can aid the reader to become a victor rather than a victim.”
–Josh McDowell, Speaker; best-selling author

„A porn plague is raging in homes across the world today, and for every addicted husband there is a brokenhearted wife. While there is an abundance of powerful, biblical resources to help men overcome addiction, their wives have largely been overlooked. I am grateful that Vicki Tiede has filled that void. In a book that is sensitive, biblical, and conversational, she comes alongside hurting women as a friend and guides them to the hope and peace only the gospel can give.”
–Tim Challies, Author; pastor; blogger

About the Author
Vicki Tiede, MEd, MMin, is a Bible teacher; conference speaker; author of Plug Me In and Let Me Charge Overnight (2009); and a contributing author for five other books. Her passion is to share God’s grace and faithfulness with women through the Scriptures. Vicki transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God. Living in Rochester, Minnesota, Vicki is also a wife, homeschooling mom, and women’s ministries coordinator at her local church.

You can order the book here- http://www.monergismbooks.com/When-Your-Husband-Is-Addicted-to-Pornography $16.99 On Sale for a short/limited time for $10.

SEXUAL ADDICTION:

FREEDOM FROM COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR (CCEF)

Binding: Booklet  Page Count: 32 $3.99
Description: If you’re struggling with a sexual addiction of any sort, you understand that feeling of being trapped, out of control, and afraid of being found out. No matter what you try, it seems impossible to break free from the lure of illicit sexual thoughts and practices.

Author David Powlison encourages those who want to overcome their compulsive sexual behavior to remember that lasting change comes in degrees and is often a slow progressive process. Addiction sufferers will discover powerful action steps to take and introspective heart questions to ask as they seek to conquer this harmful sin issue. Even though sexual temptation is everywhere, God’s power and resource is closer still because the Holy Spirit resides within us to meet our every need.

About the Author
David Powlison, M.Div., Ph.D., is a faculty member and counselor at CCEF with over thirty years of experience. He has written numerous articles on counseling, many booklets, including Facing Death with Hope, Healing after Abortion,Recovering from Child Abuse, and Renewing Marital Intimacy, and several books, including Seeing with New Eyes, Speaking Truth in Love, and The Biblical Counseling Movement: History and Context.

You can buy it here for $3.99 – http://www.monergismbooks.com/Sexual-Addiction-Freedom-from-Compulsive-Behavior

PORNOGRAPHY: SLAYING THE DRAGON

Binding: Booklet  Page Count: 20
Description: “Private sexual fantasy can preoccupy vast areas of a person’s mental life,” notes David Powlison. “As explicit sexual images proliferate in films and magazines, on television, and over the Internet, the temptations increase and the bondage seems unbreakable. Even Christians can find that their lives have become a push-pull struggle between indulging in fantasy and resisting it.”

Is it really possible to slay the dragon of pornography and fantasy once it has gained control of your life?” asks Powlison. The answer is yes, as you will see from this interview with a man called Bob, who experienced Christ’s deliverance in this part of his life.

You can buy the booklet here for $2.99 – http://www.monergismbooks.com/Pornography-Slaying-the-Dragon

When it comes to sexual temptation- FLEE!

When it comes to sexual temptation, the only way to get out of it- the prompting- and you know what is the general guideline for sexual temptation? God says, „Flee fornication!” 

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

Flee- you know what’s ‘flee’? Run! Like Joseph. Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife. You know, this guy Potiphar, he’s a high ranking officer of Pharaoh. Potiphar can have any woman he wants. He had nobility, he was a high ranking official and he has all the women he wants for his harem. But, for his wife he would choose the very best and she was probably very beautiful. And that’s why when she tried to seduce Joseph, Joseph ran. There were no commandments because Joseph lived before the commandments. But, Joseph knew how to face sexual temptation. This is one temptation you don’t stand there saying, „Come on.. I’ll fight you in Jesus name.” No, just run, flee.

Flee means- you are driving along and you meet an old friend, someone you had been attracted to last time or whatever and she says, „Will you give me a lift?” And you say, „No, because… testimony… people see me and…you know, you understand…. here’s some money for a taxi. Flee, flee. In my case, I don’t counsel the opposite sex and because I don’t, I can tell all my (assistant) pastors, „Don’t counsel the opposite sex.” Our church has invested heavily in the training of female counselors  and these ladies are trained by me, the guidelines are set by me and they counsel the ladies of the church.  Because problems start with good intentions.

The problem is that you are not fleeing. There is something unique about sexual sin. It affects your body. The Bible tells you that this sin will affect your body, the other sins won’t. Is it your health? Will you age so much faster? I do not know, but I do know it will affect your body. I remember some years ago, I noticed a counselor in our church, he was very popular, ladies were coming to him to be counseled. So, I talked to the wife and told her: watch him. We don’t allow guys to counsel women, but, sometimes situations are such…  that we are flexible. But, keep an eye on your husband. She said, „You know what pastor? I trust my husband.” You know what, I said, „I don’t want my wife to trust me in this area.” Why? Because I am red blooded. I’m a man. I don’t want my wife to trust me in this area. No, no, no.

You know why? Because evreything starts out innocently. A little flirtation, a little attraction. The guy really wants to counsel the girl. The forces of attraction are very strong. So, the best thing is not to trust yourself in this area. PUT NO CONFIDENCE IN THE FLESH. You need to understand why people fall into sin. It works like this in the cycle:

  1. First of all temptation comes. It can come in a talk, or something you saw, something you remembered,
  2. Then, before it becomes sin, this always happens. The in between is this: Confidence in the flesh (I can handle this). The apostle Paul says in Philippians 3, „Put no confidence in the flesh.” We must not trust in this area. For example, take a boy, your computer is outside the room (or on his cellphone). The boy says, „you don’t trust me dad?” Tell him, „I trust you, I just don’t trust your flesh.” That’s a smart dad. Because I don’t trust my own flesh. When you don’t trust your flesh you are safe. The moment you say, „I can handle this, I can watch this show, no problem,” and you may mean it but, you are putting confidence in the flesh. And your flesh will always bring you to the dark side. You think: Oh, it’s getting late and an attractive girl like her should not be going home alone. I think I’ll take her back. Innocent, alright? I can handle this. Or I’ll just open this email. You know, there’s some suggestive photos but the website is okay. Or this movie, there’s some good elements… I can handle this. It starts with confidence in the flesh. You’re smart if you learn to run like Joseph. And you know something? (In the end) God could trust him to rule. Does that mean poor Joseph was repressed for the rest of his life? No, he had a lovely wife, had children, had double fruitfulness. He enjoyed married life and best of all, he was able to have a clear conscience.
  3. If you have utter confidence in the flesh you fall into sin, indulgence.
  4. And the prompt of sin is guilt. In guilt you have new resolutions. „From now on, I’ll never turn on the computer. From now on, I’ll never look at the opposite sex. From now on, I won’t even talk to the opposite sex.” You know, some extreme stupidity. „From now on, never again, never again…” When the devil hears that, the devil says, „Good!” Resolutions don’t work because they presume on man’s strength. The more you distrust in yourself in this matter, the better it is for you.  Once you have these guilt resolution, you have a propensity for fresh temptations.

The way Jesus broke this is He counseled a woman, He ministered a woman caught in adultery. She wasn’t a prostitute. She was caught in adultery and what did Jesus tell her? „I don’t condemn you. Go and sin no more.” The church has it backwards. The church says, „Go and sin no more first, then we won’t condemn you.” In other words, Jesus gave her the gift of no condemnation and that became an empowerment to go and sin no more.

Addiction to pornography has destroyed countless lives and marriages, even in the church. What is at the root of this addiction, and how can this and all destructive addictions be truly broken once and for all? Joseph Prince tackles these questions head-on and shows from God’s Word how only God’s grace and gift of no condemnation can truly set one free. Listen to this life-changing message today, and allow God’s grace to deliver, lead and empower you to experience victory over condemnation and every destructive habit in your life!

Uploaded by  on Jun 1, 2011

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